A Nurse with a Gun

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Pre-Screening

I got to go in and piss in the cup today. Everytime I do that, it reminds me of Cheech and Chong. I also got to take a written test that showed I had basic nursing skills, get a Hep B titer drawn, as well as a mantoux stick. I filled out a health questionaire, and then the employee heatlth nurse discovered...........hypertension.

Of course, she tried to educate me............

7 Comments:

Blogger rbshaw said...

Yeah,I have that one too.High blood pressure-ain't it fun? She said-Don't eat salt,lose weight,watch your diet,quit smoking,exercise,don't drink too much booze,and then asked you if you knew what stress was-Am I correct?

7:13 AM  
Blogger Xavier said...

LOL Yep!

7:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Drug tests = Heil Hitler!

8:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And for God’s sake X, increase your fluids my good man…can’t you see how yellow your urine is? LOL!! (I know, it’s only a clip art photo.)

They may even request, “The stress of trying to “keep em in the black” is an added pressure so, you might forgo the shooting sports for a few months or till we get you in the correct perimeters.”

LORD HAVE MERCY!! What a killer that would be. Out to the range for some relaxed shooting does more to relax one than many people may imagine.

It may be a pain in the rear getting straightened away with the hypertension but you’ll be feeling better in the long run. HUH! Look at me…telling someone with nursing skills how things will be. A thousand pardons X. I hope the hypertension doesn’t postpone your job in the operating room?

Good luck,

Ronaldo

8:47 AM  
Anonymous Standard Mischief said...

I remember my first and last drug test back in the 90s. I was paranoid over a false positive, so it was two liters of cranberry juice the night before and two liters of water the before I went to the clinic. Oh and two liters on the drive down. Blocks from the clinic I hit a gas station for the rest room.

continued...

10:42 AM  
Blogger Tim said...

As Standard Mischief said, I too had a similar experience. The job I currently work (Quality Engineer) required a drug screening before acceptance. I typically drink a couple bottles of water a day, but this particular week consisted of moving my family 800 miles across the country by my lonesome self. I wouldn't hesitate to say my water intake was higher than normal (for me), and much higher than average for the "general public".

The first test results came out "Too diluted" to pull a sample. I argued the test was skewed or mixed, and went back the next day for a second test. That one came out fine, but it was very frustrating to have a job I was fortunate to be considered for hang in the balance of some piss test results!

11:29 AM  
Anonymous Hyunchback said...

Didn't they give you the high blood pressure when you got your first RN job?

Why don't all of us just petition the government to put us on disability since stress is indemic to the work environment and a leading cause of hypertension?

So, what's it going to be? Maxide? Lisinopril? Metoprolol?

8:04 PM  

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