A Nurse with a Gun

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Ugly Gun Sunday

Halloween was a couple of nights ago, and all ghouls, zombies and assorted fiends should have retreated back to their liars for another hibernation, but alas, some have not. Some continue to walk among us. Some even go to Grandma's house for Christmas. I don't understand the gothic/vampire fetish that some people have. It seems to be a step further away from reality than most other counter culture fixations.

I am quite aware that some people take this stuff seriously. Hell, I had to be called in to the hospital one night because a "vampire" was laying in his casket sharpening his teeth with the file on his toenail clippers. The file broke off, and he swallowed it. I suppose he could have transmogrified into a shark, after all, sharks swallow all kinds of stuff. Instead, he experienced a jolt of reality and drove his Toyota to the emergency room to have us sedate him (versed works great on creatures of the night) and send an gastroscope down his gullet to retrieve the source of his concerns. Needless to say, a delusional idiot starting a chain of events that culminated in waking me up in the middle of the night did not enhance my appreciation of the gothic culture.

Even so, I try not to have a knee jerk reaction when I see my favorite pistol absurdly customized. Let's examine the "Vampyre Slayer." Click to enlargeEven the fantasy aspect does not hold water. Aren't vampires best dispatched with wooden stakes and sunlight? The chrome spike on the mainspring housing will do wonders in stopping a reload after the 10 mm copper jacketed hollowpoints in the magazines fail to stop Count Dracula. The Celtic cross engraved on the grip will be covered with the hand and will repel no blood sucking monsters. The spike on the recoil spring plug is just as non-functional. The casket shaped case is just silliness.

The laser engraving, reminiscent of prison tattoo art, is just the kind of stuff a jury will be influenced by if this pistol is ever used in self defense. Of course, the same gunsmith also makes the "Judge and Jury" brace of pistols, the "Widowmaker" Smith & Wesson 1006, and the "Death Dealer" 1911. The fact that such creations are being made implies there is a market for them.

I understand the argument that these are fantasy creations, but if that is the case, let them fire fantasy ammunition. Click to enlargeIn a lethal encounter, any gun at hand may be used in the struggle to save one's life, regardless of the liability or consequences afterwards. I, for one, would never want a prosecuting attorney holding this pistol in front of a jury after a defensive shooting. If these are fantasy creations, then they are toys. Let them be toys, not guns.

As a defensive firearm this pistol is prejudicial. Aesthetically, it fails. As a fantasy gun for rampaging bloodsuckers, according to the vampire legend........ Fail. Failure in execution, failure in concept. Failure on many levels. Failure at this level is ugly. Of course if you have a trust fund for nonconformist tripe, the Vampyre Slayer might be just the pistol for you. I suppose it is great for showing your nonconformist friends how cool you really are.



Anonymous Anonymous said...


for next sunday

8:03 AM  
Blogger the pistolero said...

Oh my gosh, that's double blasphemy! Not just a 1911 uglied up like that, but a 10mm 1911 uglied up like that.

8:56 AM  
Blogger Bob said...

When I was raising my nephew, I taught him my version of the Four Rules, which I condensed down to three:

1. A gun is not a toy.
2. A gun is always loaded.
3. Don't point a gun at someone you don't intend to shoot.

The first of my three rules covers this particular gun, I think.

9:37 AM  
Blogger Steven Givler said...

And some say there's no such thing as right and wrong...

9:55 AM  
Anonymous loki said...

Only 5 will be made.

That's still five too many.

1:22 PM  
Blogger MauserMedic said...

Gun, bad. Disgruntled embarressed goth, good.

2:48 PM  
Blogger lee n. field said...

Let's see... grind off the heel spike. Replace the guide rod (I assume the front spike is a full length guide rod). Replace the grips. And enough GunKote to get rid of the engraved pictures.

That should do it.

5:47 PM  
Blogger Cybrludite said...

I don't mind the case so much, it's at least got some style. (Albeit a somewhat morbid one) The rest qualifies for a "What the heck were they thinking?"

I've got faux ivory grips for my 1911 featuring the Grim Reaper, but when it's riding in my glovebox I either have the brown checkered plastic it came with (Auto Ord. GI model), or smooth black ones with a gold biohazard symbol. If (Gods forbid!) I should ever have to use it in self defense, I'd rather not have the DA making an issue over them. What puzzles me is why anyone would put grips with the logo from Marvel's "The Punisher" series, or with the McManus Brothers' motto from "The Boondock Saints". I don't care how clean a shoot it was, you're going to jail if you had those grips on your .45 when things went pear-shaped.

12:31 AM  
Blogger GhostRider said...

The gun is hideous (and stupid), but chalk me up as one of the people who absolutely LOVES the coffin-shaped case. I mean, regular gun cases are just so plain!

9:20 AM  
Blogger Ray said...

This gunsmith makes me sad....

10:42 AM  
Anonymous Alex said...

The judge and jury ones are actually pretty cool.

11:39 PM  
Anonymous Alex said...

Of course the really ugly part is how our justice system is so messed up that the appearance of you gun can affect whether or not you're held criminally/civilly liable for a self defense killing.

12:55 PM  

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