A Nurse with a Gun

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Range Know-It-All

Every range has a know-it-all. It may be a black shirted mall commando in camo BDU pants. It may be an old geyser with faded USMC tattoos on his arms. Today it was a fat old man in a pink shirt with a Sig Sauer X-5 race gun on his hip. Little Darling was shooting her Mossberg 505.

Clickto enlarge"You planning to shoot trap little lady?"

Bam! ker-chunk Bam!


Ker-chunk Bam! ker-chunk Bam!

"Why do you have your target so close? Seven yards is too close. If you are going to pattern that gun....."

"I'm training to defend myself."

"You planning on shootin' somebody?"

"No, I'm planning to defend myself."

"From what?"

"Whatever I need to." Clickto enlarge

"You going to shoot 'em with that gun? Maybe you need to hide and call the police instead. What if you shoot a family member? What is that? A .410?"

"It's a twenty gauge. Dad says always identify your target and know what's beyond it before you pull the trigger. Why would I shoot a family member if I identify them first?"

I notice a fat fruit talking to my daughter. I table my pistol and wander over to observe. He turns to me.

"This here little girl plans to defend herself with that shotgun. What do you think of that?"

"I think that's damned fine," I replied.

"But what if they're not dangerous? What if it's just some kids breaking in for drug money?"

Little Darling piped up. "How are you supposed to know that Mister? Dad says if they are not a threat to your life, you don't shoot, but if they are, you shoot until the threat is no longer a threat."

"If somebody breaks into your house, what you need to do is hide in a closet with your shotgun and fire two shots into the ceiling."

"Do you think being deaf makes it easier for a victim to be raped and murdered?"

Clickto enlarge
"Mister, I think you need to go back in the closet yourself," I said.

Crickets...............He waddled off.

"Daddy I don't think he would fit in a closet."

"Hmmmmmmmm. Make sure you keep your beads aligned on that target when you eject your hull Darling."

"OK Daddy."

Ker-chunk Bam! ker-chunk Bam! ker-chunk Bam! ker-chunk Bam!

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Blogger Broadsword said...


4:30 PM  
Blogger Citizen H said...

Indecently magnificent! Sounds like she did a perfect job shutting him down.

4:50 PM  
Blogger Weetabix said...

I gotta ramp up a bit on my daddy-ing. I think you just became my model.

5:04 PM  
Blogger Kevin said...

You taught her well, shooting and self confidence!

I think I met that guy's Yankee brother. I was doing single (weak) hand shooting and he came over to tell me how to get into a "shootin' crouch soes that no one takes yer gun from ya" This one also said that a 1911 was too much gun for in a house. He was checking his scope on his thuddy-thuddy - one of those guys who get 4 years out of a box of ammo, practice and hunting included.

6:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


6:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good on ya Xav!

Better on her. ;)

6:26 PM  
Blogger David aka True Blue Sam said...

Mighty Fine!

6:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My oldest is only 6. I've got a Gamo 220 on it's way (if Uncle can ever find a box to fit it in) so I can start her out in the back yard with pellets until she has a good grasp of safety and the basics.

Then, we'll switch to an outdoor range with the .22 rifle. From there, the .22 pistol.

After that, I don't know what. I go from piddly .22 up to 10mm/45 ACP/ and .357 Magnum. Hopefully by then, I'll be able to use the overpoweredness of my handguns as an excuse to buy more guns ;)

7:01 PM  
Blogger Pretty Pistolera said...

Great job on getting the know-it-all to move on! Great parenting! And, great shooting.

7:59 PM  
Blogger Rorschach said...

Weetabix is right. I need to get cracking...

"But what if they're not dangerous? What if it's just some kids breaking in for drug money?"

Well then, they will be needing them drugs for more than just an addiction now won't they? If they are in your house and you did not invite them there, then they are a threat to be dealt with. End of story.

I just wish I could convince my daughter to let me teach her how to defend herself. she absolutely refuses to even discuss it. I do not want to force her because I'm afraid she will not listen to nor follow any of the safety rules, she'll just freak out. My youngest one however is begging me to teach her how to shoot, but when we bought her a bow and arrow the first thing we told her was do not under any circumstances shoot it at another living thing (the arrows have suction cups, not points, but still.). so what does she do? she starts shooting at the cats first chance she gets. I had to take it away from her again.

8:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was funny! Thanks, I needed a laugh.

8:40 PM  
Blogger Sterno said...

God I hate those guys. They never have any info I want or need, but still feel the need to tell me about it at length.

8:56 PM  
Blogger detroitccw said...

This was a funny post! If you spend an time at all at a range, you know that there is always at least one "know-it-all" trying to give "tips." Too funny!

9:20 PM  
Blogger DouginSalcha said...

Good for her!!!

9:52 PM  
Blogger TOTWTYTR said...

Snerk! That's some young woman you're raising there. Congratulations.

10:16 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

you've got a great girl there - well done on such a good parenting job ... and like some of the other responders, i need to get my butt into gear .. i guess my girls are now old enough to start with an air rifle at least.

11:41 PM  
Blogger El Capitan said...

Call me Victorian in my manners if you must, but in the absence of an adult relative to make introductions, I would be very hesitant (outside of an obvious emergency or safety violation) to initiate conversation with a minor in this day & age, female or male.

I've watched men my age (40-ish) make their play for girls less than half their age, and it's creepy in the extreme.

1:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Met way too many people like that at the range. Most assume I'm young because I'm short.

3:24 AM  
Blogger Weer'd Beard said...

There are lots of these guys out there. Usally these excahnges with me end with me loosing all patience and saying "Look, bub, I get that you don't think your own life is worth defending, and I'm totally fine with that. Just stay out of my way when I'm defending mine."

I wouldn't be so pissed if these people weren't the ones looking to get rid good defensive arms...because they have a deer gun on the bench while they do it only makes me grumpier.

6:52 AM  
Blogger stbaguley said...

What everybody else said. But what I find particularly brilliant is the fact that in a couple of years when the time comes around you won't have to have "the shotgun conversation" with prospective suitors. She will in all innocence have already done that for you. It won't stop the worthy ones but should keep them respectful, as in "yes Mr.X we will be back by 9." The other half is that when I have seen kids go off the rails it is usually in search of self esteem and or some recognition that they are worthy as a person. You are simultaneously teaching her that she is of inestimable worth both to you because you spend your time on her and to herself because you insist she defend her value. (What a li'l sweetie! ker-chunk I mean pardon ma'am, is this lane taken?)

6:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Most assume I'm young because I'm short."

That's not too bad. You could be short AND look like Yoda. :)

I can't believe that anyone would consider someone in their house w/o an invitation to not be a threat. What a dumb a$$.

7:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent! Personally, I would have told him I'm getting ready for a pink-hippo hunt coming up in the near future.

8:10 AM  
Blogger Keith Walker said...


9:44 AM  
Blogger Rorschach said...

Capn's got a point there Xav. I wasn't there so I'm going by your story, but if you ask me, your daughter should not have turned her back at any time to a guy who was obviously trying to get inside her comfort zone. The guy was a potential threat and should have been treated as such. He may have been entertaining the idea of taking the shotgun away from her, or maybe he just wanted to get close enough to cop a feel. But she should not have continued to fire downrange and ignore him with him in her rear quarter. She should have stopped firing safed/tabled the weapon and turned to face him to better apprise her of the potential threat.

10:37 AM  
Blogger tom said...

Air Rifles for kids and such:

Friend of mine started his daughter out on .22s at age 3 or 4. She now also has an AR-15.

Still doesn't have the upper body strength to shoot quality spring air type air rifles without it tiring her out too fast and it gets expensive going either the scuba tank filled pre-charged or CO2 cartridge route for air guns.

She's 6 now. Maybe when she gets bigger she can have an air rifle but she's pretty keen on her .223...Dad would have had to spend twice as much money on an air rifle she could get as much range time with without being worn out.

12:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"But what if they're not dangerous? What if it's just some kids breaking in for drug money?"

I'll give them your address and order them to scram over to your house, since you don't seem to mind it.

2:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It looks like she is ready to try 12 gauge. That way she can easily use your home defense shotguns if needed.

3:16 PM  
Blogger MauserMedic said...

Sound like your daughter is well on her way to taking care of herself. Congratulations on a job of parenting well done.

4:04 PM  
Blogger Carteach said...

Good for her! You raised her well.

4:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A daughter to be proud of. I'm glad to see she still has her charming Mona Lisa smile.

7:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome. I look forward to the day I can get my kids out to the range.

Don't be knocking a 20 gauge. 12 gauge is nice and all but I would have her stick with the 20. At 7 yards it will do just as well as a 12 and she will be able to control it better for repeat shots.

Good for you.

12:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Daddy I don't think he would fit in a closet."


2:32 AM  
Blogger Assrot said...

Smart kid you got there. Reminds me of my two girls when they were young. Now I'm teaching the grand-daughter.

Yep, every range has its know it alls. It's really bad when the know it alls become the ROs.

I cancelled my membership at a range down here in Martin County this year because they decided to go big time and they hired the county deputies for ROs. What a joke.

It used to be that we'd shoot for 15 minutes, make the range cold for 5 minutes (give or take a few) and then shoot for 15 minutes again.

I've been shooting at that place for 15 years and they used to have some of the best ROs. Guys like you that knew firearms and how to deal with people. All of our ROs were NRA certified in more than one area of expertise and most had been to Gunsite or some other decent place for instruction. They had plenty of good experience and only "helped" when you asked for help.

Now we get to shoot for 15 minutes and listen to the sheriff's deputies brag about their experience, marksmanship and how long they have been on the SWAT team for 15 to 20 minutes between every 15 minute relay.

What used to be a great range now sucks because we have a bunch of know it all deputy dogs for ROs.

I politely inquired to the owners about their choice of ROs and they gave me some BS about their insurance being cheaper if they have LEOs for ROs. What a crock.

I dropped my membership there and moved to a smaller range. The bright side was that most of the old ROs that used to work at the know it all range now work at the small range I moved to.

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against cops and many of them are great folks that we can all learn a thing or two from when it comes to firearms. Many of my family members are LEOs.

What I can't stand is a bunch of fatheaded rookies that look to be less than 30 bragging about how many years they've been SWAT members and how much better they are at shooting than us average Joes.

I figure that unless I am doing something against the rules or the law or I ask for help that these guys should STFU at the range and maybe save their bragging for their girlfriends at night.

Most of them shoot so bad I don't know how they qualify to be deputies much less SWAT members.

I guess a big part of teaching our kids and grandkids about shooting and self defense these days has to cover who and what not to listen to.


6:36 PM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

aw, jeez. What an annoying git.

Your girl rocks, though.

9:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your daughter did great. Awesome!!

I have experienced the "know-it-alls" from time to time at the ranges. However, there are some that are very helpful. Mainly the "Old Geyser". One old guy saw my target and said, "Hmmm...looks like you got recoil anticipation". He was right, I did. He helped for 15 minutes or so. Before he left, my grouping was getting MUCH better after following his advice. He is also the same man that got me hooked on 1911's after he let me fire off his SA Champion w/ Barsto barrel. All he asked in return was two cigarettes. However, I still say that one should avoid the "mall ninjas" at all cost.

1:59 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

You raised a good kid.

Also, I miss having a Purple Cow in town.

12:30 PM  
Blogger Somerled said...

Sometimes I think the Violence Policy Center and the Brady gang hire these range and gunstore molesters to discourage those just beginning to explore their self-defense options.

1:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, Theres definitly a big diffrence between a guy who is too talkitive, but knows his stuff, and a "knowitall"

"They call me mister KnowItAll, i will not comprimise, i will not be told what to do, i shall no step aside!"

1:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I hate know-it-alls too. One day at the archery range, a Mr.KIA with the same bow I had came up to me and said, "Your bow is out of tune," so I let him "tune" it for me. After he was done with it, it was WAAAAAY out of tune and he saw it as I was shooting the now "tuned" bow. My arrows that were grouping less than 1" @ 20 yds before Mr. KIA, were now all over the place. But because I knew what I was doing, I reset the "tune" back to where I had it. I was now back to grouping 1" or less. He slinked back to his lane and hasn't spoken to me since.

Then another time at the gun range, I'm by myself shooting my AR-15 and a couple of guys came over from where they were shooting and set up their stuff at the shooting benches next to me. These two guys just bought rifles, one AR-15 & one bolt action .308. The guy with the AR-15 had never fired a gun before and said, "Hey, you look like you know what you're doing. Can you help me with my rifle? I can't seem to hit the target." I said, "Sure," and he passed me his rifle. I said, "What's this stuff you got all over it, cosmoline?" To which he replied, "No, WD-40." He had "cleaned" his rifle by hosing it down with WD-40. I handed the rifle back to him, explained about dieseling and suggested he wipe down the rifle and run a few patches down the bore. 15 minutes later, he came back, I loaded the rifle and fired 3 shot at the target while his buddy watched the target at 200 yds through the spotting scope. All 3 bullets hit the bullseye (I was shooting with open sights and using shoot n see targets). I handed him back the rifle and said, "That rifle's already sighted in," and then I showed him how to acquire the sight picture and the target above the front post, centered in the rear peep. He was good after that. I just thought it was funny that he cleaned his rifle with WD-40, and suggested he pick up some Hoppe's 9 gun oil.

Then the other guy shooting the .308 was having trouble hitting paper too. So I sat down at the bench opposite him, so the rifle was in my left land. I looked through the scope with my left eye, acquired sight picture and target and gently squeezed the trigger. It hit the bullseye, got up and showed him to look through the scope. He was good to go after that too.

I also taught them breath control.

I'm the exact opposite of a Mr. KIA; I don't approach anyone or give advice unless they approach me(UNLESS what I see people doing will get them, or someone else, hurt or killed). Then I'm glad to do it. These two stories popped into my head while reading yours and I thought I'd share them.

Great story and a great kid you got there.

1:47 PM  
Blogger Draven said...

Last time an LEO bragged to me about how he was a better shot than me I held out three rounds of Yugo surplus 8mm Mauser and told him that his target was the 18" gong at 400m.

1:55 PM  
Blogger Home on the Range said...

Hide in the closet?

Your daughter is awesome! You've done well in raising her.

3:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Daddy I don't think he would fit in a closet."

LoL......(pauses to clean up spewed grape kool-aid)....

Kudos to you Sir, for raising such a
self-reliant, sharp witted daughter!

3:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good kid you've got there. Handled the problem well too. It's so great to see people teaching their daughters to shoot. It helps them be self sufficient and affirms self worth. If you believe that her life is worth it, she does too. Great job

4:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Grief, Xav; you've introduced us to somebody cooler than you. {neener}

But you're one hell of a Dad.


"She's 6 now. Maybe when she gets bigger she can have an air rifle but she's pretty keen on her .223..."

That's another fantastic thing to read.

Two thumbs up.

4:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Well, sir, if someone breaks in, you can hide behind me if you want."

12:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good Daddy! I know the proud feeling you have knowing your little darling is nobody's prey. My oldest called me after a stressful workday Thursday and said she was headed to the range. It warmed my heart.

12:37 PM  
Blogger Pistol Packin' Mama said...

What a great Dad! Nothing says "I love you" like teaching your kid how to take care of themself.

My Dad started me on a .22 when I was 6. My son (now 11) followed the family tradition. Reading your story gave me hope for the future. I would like my son to someday find a fine young lady (like your daughter will surely be) and build a life where he can continue our fine family traditions.

G-d Bless!

1:37 PM  
Blogger Weetabix said...


It didn't sound like he'd FIT behind her. She wouldn't be effective cover for him...

10:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Somerled @ 1:13 PM said: Sometimes I think the Violence Policy Center and the Brady gang hire these range and gunstore molesters to discourage those just beginning to explore their self-defense options.

No need for conspiracy theories.

There's enough jerks on our side of the fence without VPC and Brady needing to send infiltrators.

Denying that may make you feel better, but it won't help our cause in the long run.

10:55 AM  
Blogger John B said...

ZOMFG. If I ever manage to find a woman who doesn't know when she's well off, I hope we can have a daughter half that awesome.

4:33 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

It wasn't too long ago that I found out that the range know-it-alls wait until I have stepped away to offer lots of advice to my wife. That pisses me off, to say the least. I told her that she should play up the girl act and then show that she can humiliate them with her marksmanship. I would pay to see that on video.

2:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A long time ago, on some gun board, there was a thread about women getting unsolicited advice at the range.

The only response I recall was something like "Thanks, but I only take firearms advice from gay men."

11:01 PM  
Blogger Randy in Arizona said...

Please start wearing a bullet proof vest over your shirt and/or coat!

We don't want the buttons popping off as you puff up with pride to injure anyone, now do we?


10:07 PM  
Blogger John B said...

Additionally anyone who uses "Little Lady", needs to be heartily slapped.

PS, I have a pink shirt in my wardrobe, no one has ever questioned my sexuality.

3:54 AM  

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