A Nurse with a Gun

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Black Wolf

It was a most unusual morning.......Daddy placed me in the back of the Jeep, and I thought we were going to look for my toys. We do that a lot. He takes them and hides them for me, and then I have to find them. It's almost like getting new toys. It's a silly game, but as long as I do it with my Daddy, that's OK by me. I used to upchuck my lunch in the Jeep every time we went around the corner, but I have gotten much better control of my gastric contents over the past few months. I'm pretty proud of that.

Then Daddy put the Cujo Corgi in with me. I didn't know what the hell he was thinking......That bitch will take your nose off, both nostrils, with one damned bite! Maybe he didn't realize that I still stumble some in the back of the Jeep when his driving takes me all the way to maximum G forces. I was on a leash, but that little terror was totally unrestrained with me. I couldn't get out! He closed the door. Bars! BeooooooOOOOOOOW! This was certain death! I was starting to feel pukey all over again!

We drove to one of my favorite places, the combination dog food and rat store. It's really cool. They have different kinds of vermin in glass cages in front, and I get to sniff them up close without having to kill them in self defense. You get to study their little verministic behaviors. And the dog food......oh Boy! The dog food! it's like 300 flavors of crunchy joy all packed into one place.

Daddy didn't take me in.......He left me. Before long though, he came back, and what a surprise! He bought that bitch a nose cover. She looked really stupid once he put it on too. It didn't match her coat, and she looked like a chipmunk! Boy was she pissed. Ha ha ha. Na na na boo boo. Now I could slobber all over her, and there wasn't a damned thing she could do about it. The queasiness was subsiding already.

I still didn't know what was going on.......It seemed like Daddy was driving forever. We had to stop several times, and he and the girls would go pee. Then he would get me and Corgi out to pee too. Corgi said we had to pee so we could find our way back home. That made perfect sense to me, so by the third stop I peed too. It was like a tanker truck was inside me. I peed so much my feet got wet. Corgi still looked like the masked marauder from parts unknown. She peed too.

I guess Daddy had a plan. Then the Jeep sound got different, and we started to go up into the trees. Then we were above the trees! I looked past the seats and saw nothing but clouds out the window! There was a great big gray spaceship we were flying towards, and I started to feel queasy all over again.

Cujo Corgi snarled at me, and I tried to put all four feet in the same corner to get away from her. That didn't work to well, because I fell right on top of her. She snapped.....gnashing those choppers back in forth......I thought I was going to be a quadrilateral amputee but then I remembered.....She had the nose thing on! "Ha ha ha You silly bitch! Here's some slobber for you!" I laughed as I drenched her back.

The Corgi couldn't see the gray spaceship that we were getting sucked up into because she was a shortcake. She had no idea that we were being attacked by moonbeamers. I tried to tell her, but she didn't believe me........Then I looked back up and we had evaded the creepy little aliens. That Daddy, he's some kind of Jeep pilot!

I started to worry about my bones and balls and stuff. Cats might break in our house and steal them. We had been away for too long. Then Daddy stopped the Jeep outside this La Quinta place and he went inside. I had never had La Quinta before. I started to salivate just thinking about it. The Corgi growled again, and Daddy came back out. Then he opened the back of the Jeep and let us out. One of the girls got the Corgi. He took me up some really spooky stairs that I thought were going to eat me at first. I mean those things were scary! You could see right through them. He had some string cheese though, so I went on up. I'll do anything for string cheese........

We went inside a little room, and I checked it out. It had an everlasting water bowl just like the one at home. Daddy peed in this one too. I don't know why he insists on doing that. The bowl was to high for the Corgi bitch, so I knew it was just for me. I guess Daddy was marking it in case somebody tried to steal it. He's a smart one, that Daddy!

Then, as I was checking the perimeter, I saw a big black wolf looking at me! I charged him, and thank God he was outside the window! I got right in front of the window and I gave him my best, most fiercest snarl. He was a dangerous looking one, that wolf. He was outside though, and I was inside. I sat down to let him know I wasn't leaving. He did the same. I looked back at Daddy to let him know we had a wolf at the door, but Daddy wasn't paying attention. He took some clothes out of a box and went to a door right beside the wolf.....Oh no! He started to open the door, and as I jumped up to stop him, I saw the wolf lunge out of the corner of my eye! It was coming in! I charged around the door ready to battle it to the death!

I hit a wall. That's my job, protecting my Daddy from his silly mistakes. I checked back on the wolf and he was laughing at me, so I laughed back. Then I noticed something.....The wolf had a Daddy too. As long as they stayed outside our room, I was OK with it I guess. The wolf started to look kind of friendly. He even wanted to play. This could be a good thing. I decided to keep an eye on him.

Daddy kept coming and going, I don't know what he was doing. While he was gone I jumped up on the bed and I ate some of his pretzels. Don't tell him though....He took me outside to see the grounds several times. I never saw the big black wolf outside, but I did see other dogs with their Daddies. It was pretty cool. We all peed in the same yard, and we went up and down the stairs over and over. It got to where I wasn't spooked by the creepy see through stairs at all.

Each time we went back in our room, my wolf friend was still at the window. He said he wanted to go out and play, but I never saw him outside. Finally, the next day Daddy cleared out our room we got back in the Jeep. He put the black mask thing on the killer Corgi, so I knew we were leaving. I whimpered a bit, so he took me back upstairs and into the room to say goodbye to my wolf friend. Wolfie was still there, and he told me goodbye too. Maybe some day I'll see him again. It took us a long time to get back home, but Daddy's nose was up to the task. We stopped at almost every place where we had wet the ground. Finally, when we got home, I was pooped. I still don't know what this was all about, but I hope we get to do it again sometime. It was fun!

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Blogger Mauser*Girl said...

That was cute. :)

So, what did you go to the La Quinta for?

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Travlin said...

Charming story Xav. Using the changed perspective with the photos was very amusing. Keep writing. You're good at it, and you'll just keep getting better.

11:20 PM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

Glad you finally got you some La Quinta. I'll bet that friend dog will be waiting for you there next time you go back.

Your daddy's pretty awesome, especially for putting that embarrassing nose thingy on that cujo corgi.

11:25 PM  
Anonymous zoom said...

La Quinta. Spanish for, "next to Denny's".

8:05 AM  
Blogger Breda said...

this is too cute =)

9:09 AM  
Blogger A Punkin Card Company said...

Very sweet! Killer Corgi... lol

9:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was doing pretty good up until, "He took some clothes out of a box and went to a door right beside the wolf.....Oh no! He started to open the door, and as I jumped up to stop him, I saw the wolf lunge out of the corner of my eye! It was coming in! I charged around the door ready to battle it to the death!"

Then I just had to laugh outloud!

I hope for the sake of housekeeping that they spoke (or at least could read) English.

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Stacey said...

Is Ilsa getting SAR certified at last?

5:52 AM  

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