The Story of Reggie

(from an email, author unknown.....)

They told me the big black Lab's name was Reggie as I looked at him lying in his pen. The shelter was clean, and the people really friendly. I'd only been in the area for six months, but everywhere I went in the small college town, people were welcoming and open. Everyone waves when you pass them on the street. But something was still missing as I attempted to settle in to my new life here, and I thought a dog couldn't hurt. Give me someone to talk to.

I had just seen Reggie's advertisement on the local news. The shelter said they had received numerous calls right after, but they said the people who had come down to see him just didn't look like "Lab people," whatever that meant. They must've thought I did. But at first, I thought the shelter had misjudged me in giving me Reggie and his things, which consisted of a dog pad, bag of toys almost all of which were brand new tennis balls, his dishes, and a sealed letter from his previous owner.

See, Reggie and I didn't really hit it off when we got home. We struggled for two weeks (which is how long the shelter told me to give him to adjust to his new home). Maybe it was the fact that I was trying to adjust, too. Maybe we were too much alike. For some reason, his stuff (except for the tennis balls - he wouldn't go anywhere without two stuffed in his mouth) got tossed in with all of my other unpacked boxes. I guess I didn't really think he'd need all his old stuff, that I'd get him new things once he settled in. But it became pretty clear pretty soon that he wasn't going to.

I tried the normal commands the shelter told me he knew, ones like "sit" and "stay" and "come" and "heel," and he'd follow them - when he felt like it. He never really seemed to listen when I called his name - sure, he'd look in my direction after the fourth of fifth time I said it, but then he'd just go back to doing whatever. When I'd ask again, you could almost see him sigh and then grudgingly obey.

This just wasn't going to work. He chewed a couple shoes and some unpacked boxes. I was a little too stern with him and he resented it, I could tell. The friction got so bad that I couldn't wait for the two weeks to be up, and when it was, I was in full-on search mode for my cellphone amid all of my unpacked stuff. I remembered leaving it on the stack of boxes for the guest room, but I also mumbled, rather cynically, that the "damn dog probably hid it on me."

Finally I found it, but before I could punch up the shelter's number, I also found his pad and other toys from the shelter. I tossed the pad in Reggie's direction and he snuffed it and wagged, some of the most enthusiasm I'd seen since bringing him home. But then I called, "Hey, Reggie, you like that come here and I'll give you a treat." Instead, he sort of glanced in my direction - maybe "glared" is more accurate - and then gave a discontented sigh and flopped down with his back to me.

Well, that's not going to do it either, I thought and I punched the shelter phone number. But I hung up when I saw the sealed envelope. I had completely forgotten about that, too. "Okay, Reggie," I said out loud, "let's see if your previous owner has any advice........."

"To Whoever Gets My Dog:

Well, I can't say that I'm happy you're reading this, a letter I told the shelter could only be opened by Reggie's new owner.

I'm not even happy I'm writing it. If you're reading this, it means I just got back from my last car ride with my Lab after dropping him off at the shelter. He knew something was
different. I have packed up his pad and toys before and set them by the back door before a trip, but this time... it's like he knew something was wrong. And something is wrong... which is why I have to go to try to make it right. So let me tell you about my Lab in the hopes that it will help you bond with him and he with you.

First, he loves tennis balls... the more the merrier. Sometimes I think he's part squirrel, the way he hordes them. He usually always has two in his mouth, and he tries to get a third in
there. Hasn't done it yet. Doesn't matter where you throw them, he'll bound after it, so be careful - really don't do it by any roads. I made that mistake once, and it almost cost him dearly.

Next, commands. Maybe the shelter staff already told you, but I'll go over them again: Reggie knows the obvious ones - "sit," "stay," "come," "heel." He knows hand signals:
"back" to turn around and go back when you put your hand straight up; and "over" if you put your hand out right or left. "Shake" for shaking water off, and "paw" for a high-five. He does "down" when he feels like lying down - I bet you could work on that with him some more. He knows "ball" and "food" and "bone" and "treat" like nobody's business. I trained Reggie with small food treats. Nothing opens his ears like little pieces of hot dog.

Feeding schedule: twice a day, once about seven in the morning, and again at six in the evening. Regular store-bought stuff; the shelter has the brand.

He's up on his shots. Call the clinic on 9th Street and update his info with yours; they'll make sure to send you reminders for when he's due. Be forewarned: Reggie hates the vet.
Good luck getting him in the car - I don't know how he knows when it's time to go to the vet, but he knows.

Finally, give him some time. I've never been married, so it's only been Reggie and me for his whole life. He's gone everywhere with me, so please include him on your daily car rides if you can. He sits well in the backseat, and he doesn't bark or complain. He just loves to be around people, and me most especially. Which means that this transition is going to be hard, with him going to live with someone new. And that's why I need to share one
more bit of info with you....

His name's not Reggie. I don't know what made me do it, but when I dropped him off at the
shelter, I told them his name was Reggie.. He's a smart dog, he'll get used to it and will respond to it, of that I have no doubt. But I just couldn't bear to give them his real name. For me to do that, it seemed so final, that handing him over to the shelter was as good as me admitting that I'd never see him again. And if I end up coming back, getting him, and tearing up this letter, it means everything's fine. But if someone else is reading it, well... well it means that his new owner should know his real name. It'll help you bond with him. Who knows, maybe you'll even notice a change in his demeanor if he's been giving you problems.

His real name is Tank. Because that is what I drive. Again, if you're reading this and you're from the area, maybe my name has been on the news. I told the shelter that they couldn't make "Reggie" available for adoption until they received word from my company commander. See, my parents are gone, I have no siblings, no one I could've left Tank with... and it was my only real request of the Army upon my deployment to Iraq, that they make one phone call to the shelter... in the "event"... to tell them that Tank could be
put up for adoption. Luckily, my colonel is a dog guy too, and he knew where my platoon was headed. He said he'd do it personally. And if you're reading this, then he made good on his word.

Well, this letter is getting to downright depressing, even though, frankly, I'm just writing it for my dog. I couldn't imagine if I was writing it for a wife and kids and family. But still, Tank has been my family for the last six years, almost as long as the Army has been my
family. And now I hope and pray that you make him part of your family and that he will
adjust and come to love you the same way he loved me. That unconditional love from a dog is what I took with me to Iraq as an inspiration to do something selfless, to protect innocent people from those who would do terrible things... and to keep those terrible people from coming over here. If I had to give up Tank in order to do it, I am glad to have done so. He was my example of service and of love. I hope I honored him by my service to my country and comrades.

All right, that's enough. I deploy this evening and have to drop this letter off at the shelter. I don't think I'll say another good-bye to Tank, though. I cried too much the first time. Maybe I'll peek in on him and see if he finally got that third tennis ball in his mouth.

Good luck with Tank. Give him a good home, and give him an extra kiss goodnight - every night - from me.

Thank you, Paul Mallory"

I folded the letter and slipped it back in the envelope. Sure I had heard of Paul Mallory, everyone in town knew him, even new people like me. Local kid, killed in Iraq a few months ago and posthumously earning the Silver Star when he gave his life to save three buddies. Flags had been at half-mast all summer.

I leaned forward in my chair and rested my elbows on my knees, staring at the dog. "Hey, Tank," I said quietly.

The dog's head whipped up, his ears cocked and his eyes bright. "C'mere boy."

He was instantly on his feet, his nails clicking on the hardwood floor. He sat in front of me, his head tilted, searching for the name he hadn't heard in months.

"Tank," I whispered. His tail swished. I kept whispering his name, over and over, and each time, his ears lowered, his eyes softened, and his posture relaxed as a wave of contentment just seemed to flood him. I stroked his ears, rubbed his shoulders, buried my face into his scruff and hugged him.

"It's me now, Tank, just you and me. Your old pal gave you to me." Tank reached up and licked my cheek. "So whatdaya say we play some ball His ears perked again. "Yeah Ball You like that Ball "

Tank tore from my hands and disappeared in the next room. And when he came back......he had three tennis balls in his mouth.

Ouchy Bobo

It started when I was out working some demo sites with Daddy. As I was sniffing out a rat, I felt something cut into my left foot. I knew I shouldn't have been sniffing rats, but they are so interesting. I guess I learned my lesson!

Anyway, it hurt a bit, but I stayed on task. Daddy tried those boots with me, but I hate them. They suck, are ugly, feel funny and just aren't fashionable. Now i know why he tried to make me wear them. I was hard headed and just wouldn't walk in them though.

Daddy noticed me limping and called off the search. He made me roll over on my back while he checked my paw. I knew he could fix it. He can do anything, even make delicious food come out of the cold box.

Well, Daddy poured some fizzy water on my cut, and then put some white stuff and some sticky silver stuff on it. I'm starting to wonder about his competence. They say he's a nurse, but Damn. I was walking better before he started. Oh well, being injured has it's perks. More Beggin' Strips, please!

DADDY'S NOTE: H2O2 + sterile gauze and duct tape = New dog, one that limps and staggers about.

Cephalexin 500mg bid X 10d

The Smoke Belching Red Demon

It's that time of year again, the fleas are out, and the boogie cats are bringing ticks into the yard. Another thing happens this time of year too. The red stinky smoke belching noisy contraption chases Daddy out of the garden shed and he chases it all over the yard. I don't like that at all.

He pours some stinky stuff in it, and then he jerks on its tail a couple of times, and it starts growling like its going to kill him. Last year,I was on my own against the stinky red monster, but this year, I have back-up. That's right, Cassie has my back. She's just a Golden Retriever, and if a ball gets tossed she loses all concentration, but she's wiry. They fought each other back and forth around the house. Cassie looked out her crate at me, worried about Daddy supper, but I told her to just have faith.

As soon as the red smoke demon started following Daddy, we started barking to make it stop. It showed a total lack of respect. That was enough for me. Either you are going to show the German Shepherd Dog proper respect, or I'm going to have to teach you respect.

I clamped down on that red monster's foot and started dragging it across the yard. It tasted worse than a boogie cat's butt. Cassie was barking "I'm here for ya Ilsa!" and Daddy had the monster by it's horns, but then a surprising thing happened. Daddy told me to stand down!

Then he took me inside, told me to crate up. I sat there in my crate listening to the ferocious battle raging outside between Daddy and the red demon. Finally, the demon stopped growling, and we sat in silence for a long time, not knowing if Daddy survived. When we heard the back door open, we weren't sure if it was Daddy or the demon. Cassie whimpered. "Shut up!" I told her. Then there were those familiar footsteps coming through the kitchen. Daddy lived!

EPILOGUE: When we went back outside, we sniffed around the garden shed, and we could tell the demon was inside. The doors were locked though. I'm pretty sure Daddy killed it. I have a feeling he has it cut up into strips to make some smoked demon jerky in there. If he does, I hope he gives me a bite!

The Pink Bear

My sister Cassie went to the white coat guy to get tutored a couple of days ago. For a while, I thought Daddy had taken her back to the pound. It was kind of cool to be the only dog...... For about ten minutes. Then I started missing her.

When Daddy brought her home yesterday, I smelled her as soon as he opened the back of the Jeep. I was in the house too. She doesn't stink that bad, you understand, I just smell sniff for a living.

When she came inside with Daddy, she had a pink squeaky bear. It was really slobbery wet, squeaky, and it already had its ears chewed off! Just right for a German Shepherd! I didn't know she was going to bring me presents!

Then she told me she got the bear because she was so good after she was tutored. Now that was a surprise. She is usually so scatterbrained, unable to concentrate on anything for more than it takes a ball to be thrown. Then, she told me that she slept through the test. That's funny, I slept through my tutoring test too, but I didn't get a pink bear. She must have done really good.

I asked her if I could taste the bear, but she said no, it was hers. Hmmmmmph. I went to Daddy and asked if I could have it. He said "No, it belongs to Cassie."

What to do. I told her I would just take it, but Daddy corrected me quickly. Cats. I had not needed a correction in a while. I hope it doesn't go into my permanent record. Cassie kept squeaking that bear, and baiting me. It was driving me crazy. I told her I would let her have half my kibbles for a taste of it. She said no.

Squeak squeak squeeeeky squeak. "All my Kibbles?" I asked. Cassie just put the bear in her crate and closed the door. Daddy was tired, so we all had to go to sleep.

When we woke up this morning, we peed and came back inside. I got one of the fuzzy green balls while Cassie was begging for bacon. Daddy gave her a piece, and I dropped the ball to get me some too. Cassie ran after the ball to bring it back to me (she's a retriever sort of dog.) Then she started dancing around with the ball, refusing to surrender it. Oh Hell no! "Gimme my ball!" I snarled, and I took it from her mouth.

Cassie slinked away, saying her feelings were hurt. I think it was all a ploy for more bacon. I wasn't born yesterday. I was rolling around with the green ball in my mouth when she came back in the food room with her pink bear. She dropped it at my nose.

"Trade?" she asked.

I don't think I've ever coughed up a fuzzy green ball that quickly! I almost spurted out my tonsils! The ball flew across the food room, and Cassie ran after it, her tail switching back and forth. I rolled my eyes at Daddy. He smiled and said "OK".

Oh happy morning! Happy heavenly pink bear day! Such delectable fizzy fuzzy spit! Squeeky Squeak Squeeeeeeak! Fuzzy wuzzy Pink bear! Soft and squishy! Crusty and squeaky! MMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmm! Piiiiink Bear!

Now I know how Daddy feels at the gun trading stores!

Barkus

Mudbugs. Gumbo. Daddy was talking some good eating as Cassie and I huddled together in the back of the Jeep. We bounced around for a while, and when Daddy let us out, we could smell a lot of new chow in the air, and it was spicy. My nose started to water. Little Darling put a purple and green collar on Cassie, and Daddy put a green ball collar on me.

Cassie and I looked at each other and I told her I didn't know what to think. I didn't. I couldn't help the kid. There were people everywhere, and dogs wearing all kinds of weird stuff. I'm talking some weird stuff here pups! All yellow and green and purple. It was some kind of carnival.

I knew I had to look well informed so Cassie wouldn't get scared. So, I pulled Daddy to a hydrant to ask for water. Daddy turned it on for me, and I lapped up the refreshing hydration, and I told Cassie "See, it's OK, I found water........." But Cassie wasn't there!
Oh my Kibbles! I had lost my sister, and there were so many humans and dogs hanging around with spicy smoke making my nose all watery that I didn't know where she was! This could get serious real quick! She's not familiar with the way around here, and she's just a puppy yet!

I went up to this old looking dog that was wearing a wizard's cape and pleaded, "Please Mr. Wizard, can you make my sister poof up here?" The old dog didn't speak English. He just started yapping and yipping, and seemed to be all full of himself. I decided I had better pull Daddy along and try to find Cassie myself.

I thought I saw her tail go around a purple sparkly box, and I barked for her to come back. I pulled Daddy over to the box, it was really a weird car with a band of dauschunds on top. They all started yapping at me. I asked their lead singer if he had seen my sister.

"Whuz she look like?" he asked.

"She's yellow and curly, kind of floppy and goofy," I said.

"I ain't seen her dude," said the black band leader.

"Yeah, he ain't seen nuthin'!" laughed another wiener, "He's Ray Charles!" They all started laughing and yipping uproariously.

That pissed me right off. I'm not a dude. If I would have been a dude, I would have watered their tire. Instead I told them to just choke on their Alpo. They were lip syncing their music as bad as Milli Vanilli anyway.

"Ma'am, you looking for someone?" I heard a dog growl behind me....... I turned around to reply and...... What the heck?

"Dog! What happened to you?"

"Whaddaya mean?"

"Did the car you were chasing slam on it's brakes or something?"

"Whaddaya mean?"

"Nothing. Does that hurt?"

"Whaddaya mean? You lookin' for trouble?"

"No, I just want to find my sister, she's lost somewhere around here."

"Whaddashe look like?"

"She's got a yellow nose.... I mean coat, I mean hair, and she's flippy floppy goofy."

"If I see her I'll let you know, I could tell you were looking for someone......."

"Really? How?"

"Ummmm your vest says Search Dog....."

Great, I just met Stephen Bawkins. Then I heard some howling, and I turned around and saw a little yapper sitting on top of a green high chair. He was wearing a crown and had a banner proclaiming him to be King. Great. I didn't know we were in a foreign country. "Hey! King!" I barked, "Have you seen my sister?"

The monarch just looked over my head. Maybe he was deaf. "Benevolent Rex, I roll over in your majesty. I quiver at your glory. Have you seen my freakin' sister?" I inquired.

"I'm so confused........" said the King. He must have been a one term congressman from Illinois. Daddy started talking to a human, and even though I was very concerned about Cassie lost in a banana republic with a confused head of state, I decided that maybe the best thing to do was to lay down and let Daddy talk to the humans about it. I put a paw on his foot just to make sure I didn't lose him too. Of course, I had him on a leash, but I needed to be careful. Those humans are squirrely. They slip out of leashes all the time and leave you tied up. I was awfully tired and hot and getting queasy, and then I began to smell my sister!

I looked behind me and there was that squiggly wiggly stinky winky curly girly yellow dog! I was so happy I almost peed on the pavement! I jumped up and licked her on the face and sniffed her ears and I told her to never do that to me again. If it wasn't for Daddy........ Nah, Daddy was still talking to the human.

Everyone was excited that I had found Cassie. Music started playing, all the dogs started howling and barking, and we started a parade! As I walked the parade route with Cassie, I was so proud of her. I went from side to side telling people thank you for getting my sister back to me. A lot of them were squealing "Search dog, search dog," but I just kept expressing my gratitude and wagging my tail. This might be a weird country with a confused emperor, but the people were nice. Then they started yelling "Throw me something Mister!" and I looked back at Daddy.

"Don't you dare throw a ball," I told him. "My sister will run off again!

Recruit Training

"These are my recruits. I will train them to the best of my ability. I will develop them into smartly disciplined, physically fit, basically trained Marines, thoroughly indoctrinated in love of Corps and country. I will demand of them, and demonstrate by my own example, the highest standards of personal conduct, morality, and professional skill."
USMC Drill Instructor's Creed

What the heck am I going to do with this recruit? What am I? Do I look like a Gunny? New recruits need discipline, but I think Daddy must have brought home Gomer Pyle! I have never seen such a wiggly squiggly dog in my life!

ilsa ilas ilsa ilsa ilsa ilsa ilsa ilas ilas ilas ilas ilas ilsa
I have to say the kid has spunk. She bounces back from anything. I caught her this afternoon chewing on one of Daddy's bicycle tires. He's not going to like that at all!

Change of Command

When I first came home with Daddy, Darla was there. She was the shortest German Shepherd Dog I had ever seen. I mean I was just a five month old puppy and I was as big as her. She claimed to be a Pembroke Welsh Corgi, but I knew a GSD when I saw one, even if they were a midget.

Darla instructed me that she was royalty. Among her many decorations was the Order of the Bucktoothed Yellow Smiley Guy, that she wore all the time. He was a movie star that sometimes came on television. I don't think Daddy liked him, because he always made the television be quiet when Bucktoothed Smiley Guy came on.

Darla even had her own throne chamber that she held court and slept in. She told me it had beautiful tapestries. One day when she was not looking I peeked inside, and I saw her tapestries. She must have really liked Mommy, because she let Mommy wear her tapestries. Darla had an extensive collection of shoes in her throne chamber too.

Because Darla had royal blood, sovereignty came naturally to her. She always demanded a fanfare on a duck call played by Daddy before she would come back in the house. Then she would charge in telling us all to be quiet. When I would chase my ball, she would sometimes lunge out of the hall and demand that I pay homage to her. I always did.

Sometimes I think Darla was a German Shepherd Dog and Badger mix. She had that kind of personality. You never tried to take Darla's bone. She would take your nose off.

Because Darla was the oldest, she was the Top Dog, or as she liked to say the Supreme Imperial Czar d' Bow Wow. When Daddy's breakfast bell went off every morning, it was Darla's job to bark and wake him up so we could get breakfast. She would hustle him to the back door so we could go pee, and get kibbles. Sometimes when Daddy was sleeping on the sofa, she would jump up there with him, and lay on his shoulder. I never got to do that. I guarded his feet.

I guess you are wondering why I'm writing about the Czar d' Bow Wow tonight. She passed on into immortality. We buried her beside little Vivi. I'm not sure what we are going to do without her to guide us. I'm the biggest dog now, and managing this pack under Daddy's direction is not a job for the lily-livered. There are so many things that I should know that I wonder about now. I guess I should have paid more attention to Darla, and less attention to my chew toys when I was younger.

I don't have royal blood like Darla did, and I really don't want to rule from a throne chamber full of tapestries. I would rather just be a puppy and help Daddy find people and go bike riding. Some dog has to be the Top Dog now that Darla is gone though, and I know that Cassie isn't ready for that job. Can you imagine the chaos if she was in charge? Thankfully, the dog pack is just me and her now anyway, and I was already her surrogate mother, so I guess I'll do OK. I just hope I don't forget to wake Daddy up in the morning.

The Queen of the Pile

Ever want to return a Christmas present? That jolly fat man sneaked in a sister on me, and my laid back life was over. I was once a Search & Rescue dog, but now I'm freakin' Yoda! Daddy expects me to teach this knucklehead everything, but she didn't even know her name!

I asked her what her name was, and she said there was a red tag on her jail cell (yes, she was a convict!) so we called her Red. Then she said she wanted to be called Yondalagigglesnerch. Next, she wanted to be called Queenopatra Cleo of the pile. Finally, Daddy and Little Darling started calling her Cassie. Thank goodness! Then I just had to get her to accept it and come when they called. I told her that Cassie was the dog that owned the moon. She bought it, and she comes every time they call now.

Next, I had to teach her to sit. It's not easy sitting at attention yourself when a hoodlum teenager is jumping all over you. Finally she came to realize that she would not get balls, food, bones, a scratch behind the ears, or anything if she didn't sit. Now she sits in front of me. That's OK. It allows me to keep an eye on her.

So she knows her name, and she knows to sit. She walks on a lead pretty good too. That's a start, I guess. Daddy is trying to teach her down now. Good luck Daddy! Trying to make this girl sit still or stay down is like trying to get pizza delivered by barking at the moon.

I'm starting to wonder how I got this girl for a sister. We are so different. She's curly, I'm straight. She's limber, I'm muscular. Her ears flop, mine stand up like they are supposed to. She's yellow, I'm black. She's a Roundhead, I'm a Sharpie. She wants to get in the water and mud, I prefer to stay clean. She has a criminal past, I'm a Canine Good Citizen. I tell you it's like trying to communicate with an alien. She does understand the universal Laws of the Jaws though. I guess I have that in my favor.

She still sucks down her food like she's going to never get any more. She tried to stick her nose in my bowl once. Once. Ha! The Laws of the Jaws. Come getcha some Baby! She's playing with some of my old toys, and we share the squeaky ball. Sometimes when Daddy tosses it, instead of catching it in mid-air, I bounce it off my nose so she can chase it. She's pretty good at chasing balls across the floor, but doesn't have a clue how to catch them in the air.

I guess I'm willing to share Daddy a little bit, after all, he does have two hands to scratch with. Cassie always wants to get in front, but Daddy makes sure he pets me too. I'm the only one allowed on the sofa with him though. I'm the only one who rides a bike with him, and I'm the Search & Rescue dog too. I guess it's pretty cool to have a sister again.

If I can just get Cassie to slow down and understand she is at her forever home now, I think she will be OK.

The Yellow Dog

Oh my goodness..... Daddy left and came back home today. I smelled dog all over him. I didn't know what he had been doing, but he scratched me behind my ears to let me know I had not been betrayed. He's pretty cool that way. Then, he put me in my crate and he went outside. I started to pout because he had not been home long, and it just wasn't fair. I heard him unlock my our Jeep outside, and then close my escape hatch in the back. The next thing I knew, he came back inside with a....... DOG! Darla and I started barking furiously.

I don't know what Daddy thought he was doing, but he walked that dog right past our crates and into the back yard. I heard the back door open again, and he came inside. I barked again, and he came to my crate to let me out. Bam! I was right to the window and I saw a yellow fuzzy dog outside in my yard. Then Daddy let me out the door.

I bristled and strutted around and went to pee in twenty different places. I wanted that dog to know who was boss and who owned that yard. She was pretty cool though, she said she was just hanging out and didn't mean any harm. She didn't really know why she was here. She said she was put in jail by her owners and didn't know why.

I didn't know there was a doggy jail, so I asked her about it. She said it was an OK place, but you didn't get to run and play much. The floor was concrete, and there were a lot of terriers named Jack Russel there. She said that Jack must have been as prolific as his mate was unimaginative. I guess so if all she could think of was Jack for a name.

I asked the yellow dog what her name was. She said she didn't know, but there was a red tag on her cell in the jail. That didn't sound good. She asked me what this place was. I told her it was my back yard. "You like to play?" she asked.

"I work....." Dadgummit! She nipped at me! "Hey!" I barked. She took off. I wasn't going to take this! She went crashing into the palms. "Stop! There's boogie cats in there!" I barked. She came crashing out the other side and I grabbed her and wrestled her to the ground. "You had better pay attention!" I growled. She whimpered. "Look, I know you're young, and you're new here, but at night boogie cats come out."

"What?"

"Boogie Cats. Freakin' ring tailed jabbering boogie cats!"

"Can you eat them?" This girl was dumber than a rock. You would have to pour a five gallon bucket of stupid on a rock to get a rock this thick.

"NO! But they might eat you. They travel in packs and if you don't keep your guard up, they can be vicious!"

"I could help you with that......"

"You? What do you know about boogie cats?"

"They're ring tailed, vicious, and they jabber."

The kid learns quick. "All right. You get to stay. I will teach you. You had better be on your toes though, because when they come again, I might not be able to keep them from killing you."

"All righty then."

"You mocking me?"

No, I'm just keeping an eye out for those boogie cats........"

I'm starting to think that this could be the beginning of a great friendship.

Merry Christmas

The Night Before.......

It's Christmas eve. There have been a lot of people in and out, and I've had to inspect them all.

I wonder if Christmas is just for people........ Or will I get something....... A scratch on the head? A bone? A new Kong?

It doesn't really matter I guess. I have a job. Vigilance. I will remain vigilant for that fat man coming through the chimney. They say he will bring me something. How do I know if it's really him? I hope I don't mistake him for a booger bear. If I do, I wonder if he will still leave me anything......

Something In The Night

"Xavier, wake up. I need you."

"Ummmgh"

"Come on. Wake up. Vivi is is the road. I don't know if she's hurt or not."

"Is Little Darling awake?" Daddy asked as he released the headlight from my bicycle, the quickest flashlight available. "Where is Vivi?"

"A block that way. She's in the road."

"Crate up, Ilsa," he told me.

"What? I'm coming with you!"

"Crate up!" he commanded. I cannot deny a command. To do so is to destroy the pack hierarchy. In times of trouble, our survival depends on the hierarchy. Daddy is the boss. I complied.

I waited for what seemed like a long time. Finally, I heard Daddy outside, and I whimpered for him to let me out. He came for Little Darling first, and he woke her up. In the middle of the night. She started crying. Something was wrong. Maybe he had forgotten me, and maybe I could help. I did not want to question his authority, but I couldn't stand it any longer. I scratched the front grill of my crate. "Let me out!" I pleaded.

At last, Daddy opened my crate, and he sat down with me and Little Darling. I've never seen a human look like that. Her eyes had water pouring out of them. I licked her face and then I snorked Daddy's armpit. He had been working. He smelled like he does when we work together or ride my bike.

I sniffed his legs and feet to find out where he had been, his shoes smelled like grass and blacktop. I smelled my pal Vivi on his arms and chest. "Where is she?" I whined.

Daddy went to the front door and retrieved my lead, and I slipped my head through my working collar. He took me outside. I found Vivi in a flash. I'm a search dog, you know. The scent was overwhelming, all urine, and poop and.......blood. She wasn't moving. A shiver went down my spine and I felt my hair rise. I couldn't control that. My tail curled upwards. I did my best not to growl. This wasn't right.

I licked at her face and feet, but my friend would not get up. Daddy sat down on the concrete beside me, and told me to sit, and then to lay down. The concrete was very cold. Daddy placed his hand on my head, and he scratched me underneath my chin and behind my ears. I placed my head in his lap. "We will always search, but we might not get to rescue," he said. Then he began to cry.

I have never seen my daddy do that. Mommy and Little Darling were still crying inside the house, but I could not cry. Daddy tried to say something else, but he couldn't. His voice broke. I nuzzled his chin and licked his cheek. Then he got it out. "You're a good girl Ilsa," he said. I already knew that. I nuzzled his chin again, and he scratched me behind my ears for a long long time.

There was a chill in the wind, and as Little Darling's sobs subsided into sleep, I heard the trees rustle over our heads. Dry leaves fell around us. I sat up. Ears forward. Eyes straining against the darkness. Snork! Alert. This is not a drill. I have a job to do and something is out there in the night.

First Alarm

High Water

Daddy took me to the river to look around today. It was a lot of fun going in the water. I don't think I've ever seen a puddle this big.

We looked and looked for my toy, and I found a fish. Daddy wouldn't let me keep it.

Biking With Bones

What dogs chose to take biking........
"You didn't expect me to leave it at home didja?"

Weird Ride

Daddy and I went out bike riding this morning and there was something in the air. I could feel it all night. Somethings coming, something big. It seems ominous, so I am keeping an extra watchful eye out.

Daddy is gathering up stuff again, and from the looks of things, I think another storm might be coming. We went down to the river and it had grass growing into the water. It looked a lot bigger too. The sky is dark, and the wind is blowing but it's not too bad.

Usually when Daddy takes me riding, we just go everywhere, but he seemed to be riding with a purpose today. We stopped to inspect a lot of trash and limbs piled up beside the curbs, and he took a look at every sewer grate we came across. I snorked them all really good and looked away to tell him nobody was in any of them. I don't really understand what's going on, but I suspect it is going to be big. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away.

Ring Tailed Boogie Cats

Hi doggie readers, it's Ilsa with a BOLO and a safety update. Sometimes when you are providing protective services, the nutritional byproducts just hit the oscillating blades. When that happens, you have to know how to take care of yourself. It's something that can happen to any serviceman, or service dog.

Last night during a home invasion, I was chasing a boogie cat in the back yard when it tried to get away by running under the deck. It was one of those ring tailed boogie cats with a mask on it's face. I wasn't going to let that happen, after all, I'm a German Shepherd Dog. As I was diving under the deck at full tilt to corral the boogie cat, I felt something scrape me near my eye. The boogie cat had co-conspirators under that deck, and I was being ambushed! The oscillating blades were starting to spin.

I jinked to the side and as I squeezed under the next level of deck to get at the boogie cat. Then I felt something dig into my back, right at my butt. It didn't bother me much, German Shepherds wear a pretty tough coat, almost kevlar. I kept going, but that darned boogie cat scooted under the other side. I did get some of his tail in my teeth though. My sister Vivi went on through, pressing a level response, and chased him up a tree. I was too big though. I could hear him up there talking trash to her, and I backed out as quick as I could to help out. I have her back, you know....... By the time I came out the other side, she had taken care of business. She's learning quick.

After Vivi and I barked the ring tailed boogie cat out of the yard, we went to pee. Then Vivi said "Ilsa, what's that?" I didn't know.... "I think you hurt yourself," she said. We went in to find Daddy, and my back started to hurt. It wasn't too bad, kind of like a big flea bite. Vivi was kind of scared, and she keep babbling on about the ring tailed boogie cat having a concealed weapon or something. I don't know about that, but if he had a concealed weapon, it wasn't legal. There is no way a ring tailed boogie cat could get through the application process.

I nuzzled Daddy's hand and he scratched me behind my ears. I stood up and rubbed against him, but he had gone back to his reading. So, I sat down, and Vivi started to examine my injury. She's pretty good, but she's not a nurse like Daddy. He's highly trained, plus he has opposable thumbs and they just work better than a tongue on some things. I got back up and rubbed against his leg, and finally he took a look. When he saw the blood on his leg, then he knew.

To make a long story short, Daddy got a friend to help him, and I ended up getting my butt shaved. Then they poured some really cold foamy stuff in there, and they taped me up. This morning I went to see the white coat guy, the one with all the dogs and cats. He's a friendly sort.

He gave me some good drugs, and started poking and prodding around in there. Then they took little metal fingers, pulled me back together and put a weird pair of pliers on me. Pow! Pow Pow Pow! Ouch! Pow Pow! Ow! Pow Pow! Eight times they snapped those pliers on my back.

I snoozed a while after that, and when I woke up I really needed to pee. Daddy was there to take me outside to pee, and he got some little green bottles of really strange kibbles for me too. He gave me a couple of them tonight. One of them was like plastic, but he wrapped it in bacon and it was OK.

So here's the deal doggie readers, be on the look out for ring tailed boogie cats with concealed weapons. They are probably traveling in gangs, and the modus operandi is to lure you in and attack you from behind. They are vicious little sons of bitches. If you get into an altercation with one, take the fight to him. The gang will separate pretty quickly. They don't work in packs very well. Use your pack instincts and persevere, but if one of them nails you, then go find your daddy. He will know what to do.

This afternoon, Daddy got his hammer and crawled under the deck and started pounding away. I'm still trying to figure that one out. Maybe he was putting no trespassing signs for ring tailed boogie cats under the deck. I don't think that will work, those guys are criminals with no regard for the law, and half of them can't read anyway. When he lets me outside again, we will see.

Ilsa Says:

Happy

Independence

Day!

Daddy and I went to see some explody things tonight. It was lightning and the explody things kept exploding all over the lightning. Then it started to rain. It was really scary, and I didn't like it. Not one bit. That's all I have to say about that.

Summer Games

I didn't know where we were going when I hopped into the Jeep with Daddy today. I knew it must be fun and games because he didn't have me dressed in my super dog vest. We drove a while and I got kind of sick, but I didn't puke. Daddy doesn't like it when I puke in the Jeep.

Finally, we got to a big building and we went inside to a huge doggie playground! This place was like Doggieland! There were things to jump over, jump through, run over, and under. The only thing that was missing was an automated belly scratcher. There were a lot of dogs there with their parents, and one by one they got to play on the playground. There were all kinds of dogs, even those weird Dr. Seuss pseudo-dogs. Those foreigner dogs look silly with their strange hairstyles, but I know we are all the same underneath, even if some are still puppies.

I watched them over and over from the stands with Daddy, and I wanted to go play too. One game they had that was really freaking me out was the long dog fun house. They would run in the front and then out the back so quick that they couldn't have checked things out very well inside. That seemed kind of dangerous to me, so every time one ran inside, I would woof a warning to tell them to slow down. They never did. Stupid dogs. If there was something to find in there, they were just running right past it.

I whimpered and wagged my tail at Daddy to tell him I wanted to try, but he just scratched me behind my ears. That's when it dawned on me.......I was at the Doggie Olympics! These guys were pros! Sometimes it takes a head scratchin' to make me realize what's going on, but I pick up on it pretty quick. I notice Daddy scratches his head when he needs to think too. We are a lot alike in that way.

When we went outside, there was this huge water bowl with water flying out of it. It was the weirdest thing I ever saw, almost spooky. They really didn't need to do that, but I guess with dogs coming from all over the world to compete, some of them might not know where the water was. They must have still been looking because I was the only one drinking from it.

It was a fun time, but I really wanted to get to play too. I know I could knock over more sticks than those dogs did, and I could pick them up and bring them to my Daddy too!

Spooky Steps and Catzilla

Daddy took me to some really spooky stairs today. These stairs were slippery but not wet. When I stepped on them they went woingy woingy bing bong. It was like I was walking on a vibraphone.

It was late in the day and I had spent most of my day watching Daddy make bangs at a cardboard man. He does that a lot, and at first, the bangs were spooky but I got used to it. The steps he took me to today were just about to get on my last nerve though. Every where I went, bing bong woingy woingy tink tong. Daddy wouldn't let me walk on the concrete either. He made me go up and down those musical stairs after my toy over and over. He did give me a lot of praise though.

Then just as it started to get dark, I saw him out of the corner of my eye. He was the biggest damned kitty cat I think I have ever seen, and he was moving towards stalking us. I whirled around and gave him a couple of warning woofs and he froze in his tracks. At first, I was scared to death he would eat us both, but my woofs were so fierce that I petrified him with fear. He just stood there. If Daddy would have had some pliers we could have pulled his fangs out he was so petrified. You gotta respect the woof of a German Shepherd Dog.

You never know when a giant petrified kitty will snap out of it, so I advised Daddy that it was time to go. Thankfully he agreed. He can be hard headed sometimes, but I'm glad he listened to me today. He's getting better that way.

Looking For Sippy

It was after lunch when Daddy loaded me up in the back of the Jeep and I curled up to sleep while he drove and drove. He said we were going to look for a missing sippy. I was kind of worried about that, because I was willing to look, but I didn't really know what a sippy was. I was sleeping like a dog when all of a sudden the vibrations of the Jeep changed and I looked up. Yowsers! The Jeep was in the biggest kennel I had ever seen!

Then suddenly I realized it was the great big spaceship that we had almost been sucked into a month ago! I didn't know what to do.....I got up and I almost lost my lunch, but then I heard Daddy say "It's all right, good girl Ilsa" and I gulped the kibbles back down. He really has a way with words, and I knew he was in control of the Jeep, so I just placed my life in his hands. Before I knew it, he had escaped the spaceship's tractor beam again, and we were heading back to Earth.

When we landed, and he opened up the rear of the Jeep, I was a little bit ashamed of myself. I was drooling all over, long stringy drool that I had a hard time sucking back up. It had dripped all over, and he knew that I had doubted his ability to evade the moonbeamers. That's not good for a dog to do. He didn't get mad though. He just scratched me behind the ears and said he would be back in a little bit. Then he closed the hatch. I decided the best thing for me to do was to go back to sleep, so I wiped my mouth on my pet rope and I laid back down. My two Corgi sisters were back home, so I didn't have much to do until Daddy came back.

Before long, Daddy came back and opened my hatch. He asked if I wanted some water, and I wagged my tail. He swapped leashes for me, and I hopped out. After I slurped up some hydration from my water bag, I sat down to let him know I was ready to work. He told me to heel, and walked me away from the Jeep. Then when we turned around......... Good Lawdy-a-gartion! There was a gargantuan moonbeamer hatching out of a giant red egg right there! I knew it must have been a moonbeamer because it wasn't a dog or a cat or a human at all! It was at least fifty dogs tall, big dogs too!

I barked an alarm to let Daddy know we were about to be attacked, and then I barked some more to make sure that moonbeamer didn't hurt us. I must have really scared it, because it got petrified like cats do when they recognize a dog's superior intellect. It kind of made me wonder if moonbeamers and cats were related. I don't know about that, but if they were, I wouldn't be surprised.

Finally, Daddy loaded me up and took me to a lot of water. I mean a lot of water. He must have thought I was really thirsty after all that barking. He didn't take out my plastic smelly thing, but I took a good whiff of it anyway. I knew what to do then. I jumped out of the Jeep and tried to remember the scent. I raised my head and sniffed the air for any traces of it on the breeze.

I could smell really well around all that water, because there was a lot of air moving around, but there was a lot of scent too. There was the smell of people, gas stations, fish, grass, shrimp, bugs, and a bunch of other things. I started to try to imagine what a missing sippy might look like, but I knew that it was best that I not do that. I trust my nose.

A bunch of birds suddenly flew up while I was looking for sippy. That kind of spooked me, but I settled back down and tried to smell Sippy in the air again.

Finally, Daddy took me inside a big house, and we talked to some other people for a while. I didn't say much, I just sat down beside Daddy. He likes that. After a while, he touched a spot on the wall, and the wall opened up! That was pretty weird.

It was a little room, and we went inside it. Then Daddy touched another spot on the wall, and the room jumped! I was afraid the giant moonbeamer had picked us up and we wouldn't ever get out. When a bell rang, the wall opened back up. I need to get a bell like that. When I looked outside the room we were somewhere else. I guess we got lucky that time.

I was happy to get out of that little room! We walked down a corridor to another room and went inside. This one was cool inside, and it even had a chair just for me. Daddy laid down and started snoring, so I curled up beside the door just in case the giant moonbeamer tried anything again.

When Daddy woke up, my bladder was like a basketball, so I told him I had to go do bidness. He leashed me back up, and we went back to the little room in the wall. This time it put us back where we started from. That's when I realized it was kind of like an inside the house Jeep. We went outside, and I did my bidness. It was already night.

Daddy took me out on a wooden porch that was over the water. I looked up and saw the moon. I started to bark at it, but then Daddy started to sing. I decided to sing too. We performed a midnight opera out on that wooden porch for all the moonbeamers. BurrroooooOOOOO00000OOOOOOoooooo. I guess we pleased our galatical audience, because I could see their eyes winking back at me. I wagged my tail and we went back inside to finish sleeping.

I never did find Sippy. I guess he will have to just stay missing, but I sure had a good time with Daddy.