Ring Tailed Boogie Cats
Last night during a home invasion, I was chasing a boogie cat in the back yard when it tried to get away by running under the deck. It was one of those ring tailed boogie cats with a mask on it's face. I wasn't going to let that happen, after all, I'm a German Shepherd Dog. As I was diving under the deck at full tilt to corral the boogie cat, I felt something scrape me near my eye. The boogie cat had co-conspirators under that deck, and I was being ambushed! The oscillating blades were starting to spin.
I jinked to the side and as I squeezed under the next level of deck to get at the boogie cat. Then I felt something dig into my back, right at my butt. It didn't bother me much, German Shepherds wear a pretty tough coat, almost kevlar. I kept going, but that darned boogie cat scooted under the other side. I did get some of his tail in my teeth though. My sister Vivi went on through, pressing a level response, and chased him up a tree. I was too big though. I could hear him up there talking trash to her, and I backed out as quick as I could to help out. I have her back, you know....... By the time I came out the other side, she had taken care of business. She's learning quick.
After Vivi and I barked the ring tailed boogie cat out of the yard, we went to pee. Then Vivi said "Ilsa, what's that?" I didn't know.... "I think you hurt yourself," she said. We went in to find Daddy, and my back started to hurt. It wasn't too bad, kind of like a big flea bite. Vivi was kind of scared, and she keep babbling on about the ring tailed boogie cat having a concealed weapon or something. I don't know about that, but if he had a concealed weapon, it wasn't legal. There is no way a ring tailed boogie cat could get through the application process.
I nuzzled Daddy's hand and he scratched me behind my ears. I stood up and rubbed against him, but he had gone back to his reading. So, I sat down, and Vivi started to examine my injury. She's pretty good, but she's not a nurse like Daddy. He's highly trained, plus he has opposable thumbs and they just work better than a tongue on some things. I got back up and rubbed against his leg, and finally he took a look. When he saw the blood on his leg, then he knew.
To make a long story short, Daddy got a friend to help him, and I ended up getting my butt shaved. Then they poured some really cold foamy stuff in there, and they taped me up. This morning I went to see the white coat guy, the one with all the dogs and cats. He's a friendly sort.
He gave me some good drugs, and started poking and prodding around in there. Then they took little metal fingers, pulled me back together and put a weird pair of pliers on me. Pow! Pow Pow Pow! Ouch! Pow Pow! Ow! Pow Pow! Eight times they snapped those pliers on my back.
I snoozed a while after that, and when I woke up I really needed to pee. Daddy was there to take me outside to pee, and he got some little green bottles of really strange kibbles for me too. He gave me a couple of them tonight. One of them was like plastic, but he wrapped it in bacon and it was OK.
So here's the deal doggie readers, be on the look out for ring tailed boogie cats with concealed weapons. They are probably traveling in gangs, and the modus operandi is to lure you in and attack you from behind. They are vicious little sons of bitches. If you get into an altercation with one, take the fight to him. The gang will separate pretty quickly. They don't work in packs very well. Use your pack instincts and persevere, but if one of them nails you, then go find your daddy. He will know what to do.
This afternoon, Daddy got his hammer and crawled under the deck and started pounding away. I'm still trying to figure that one out. Maybe he was putting no trespassing signs for ring tailed boogie cats under the deck. I don't think that will work, those guys are criminals with no regard for the law, and half of them can't read anyway. When he lets me outside again, we will see.