A Nurse with a Gun

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Beware the Zombie Chimp

Tam leads me to a story about the face eating zombie chimp of Stamford, Connecticut.



A 200 pound chimp vs a 70 year old woman a shovel, a butcher knife and cops with how many tasers and handguns? Poor monkey. He was probably misguided by high school athletics, saggy pants and wine. Typical result of a foster home environment. It wasn't the monkey's fault, he was oppressed. He was just trying to make a get away.

Seriously, medication for lyme disease? A different hairstyle? Come on CNN. It was a wild animal with opposed thumbs. Luckily he didn't get his hand on a Glock.

additonal:

Dispaches From The Planet of the Apes....

A transcript of the 911 call.
DISPATCHER: Stamford 911 where's you're emergency?

HEROLD: Inaudible...241 rock, Rockrimmon Road (chimp begins screaming) send the police!

DISPATCHER: What's the problem? (chimp screaming)

HEROLD: Send the police (chimp screaming)

DISPATCHER: What's the problem there? (chimp screaming)

HEROLD: The, that the chimp killed my, my friend

DISPATCHER: What's wrong with your friend? (chimp screaming)

HEROLD: (gasps, breathing hard, presses button) (chimp screaming)

DISPATHER: What's the problem with your friend? (chimp screaming)

HEROLD: Oh, please!

(Chimp heard screaming in background)

DISPATCHER: What's the problem with your friend, I need to know. (chimp screaming)

HEROLD: Send the police up with a gun, with a gun, hurry up! (chimp screaming)

DISPATCHER: Who has the gun?

HEROLD: Please hurry up! Please hurry up! He's killin' my girlfriend

DISPATCHER TO POLICE: 241 Rockrimmon Road they're sayin' someone has a gun and trying to kill somebody.

HEROLD: Hurry up!

DISPATCHER: They're on their way, but I need you to give me more information, who's doing this?

HEROLD: Inaudible...with guns!

DISPATCHER: Who has the guns?

HEROLD: No! Bring the guns! Ya gotta kill my chimp...inaudible

DISPATCHER: What's the problem there?

HEROLD: Hurry up!

DISPATCHER: I need you to talk to me, I need you to calm down. Why do you need somebody there?

HEROLD: What? Please, God!

DISPATCHER: What is the problem?

HEROLD: He's killing my friend!

DISPATCHER: Who's killing your friend?

HEROLD: Chimp, my chimpanzee

DISPATCHER: Oh, your chimpanzee is killing your friend?

HEROLD: Inaudible...yes he ripped her apart. Hurry up! Hurry up please!

DISPATCHER: Inaudible...there is someone on the way.

HEROLD: With guns, please just shoot him!

DISPATCHER TO POLICE: Inaudible...the monkey is beating up on somebody.

HEROLD: Shoot him! Please!

DISPATCHER: OK, OK, I need you to ...

HEROLD: Inaudible...down the driveway

DISPATCHER: Where are you, outside?

HEROLD: Inaudible...hurry please, please! Hurry! Hurry.

DISPATCHER: What is going on? What is the monkey doing? Tell me what the monkey is doing.

HEROLD: He, he ripped her face off!

DISPATCHER: He ripped her face off?

HEROLD: He tried, he tried trying to attack me! Please! Please! Hurry!

DISPATCHER: OK, I need you to calm down a little bit. They're on their way. Can you put yourself away? I want ... inaudible ...

HEROLD: I can't! Please hurry up! Listen to me!

DISPATCHER: They're on their way ma'am.

HEROLD: Inaudible...guns! They got to shoot him please! Please, hurry hurry! Please!

DISPATCHER: Ma'am ma'am, I need you to calm down. They're already on their way.

HEROLD: I can't, I can't ...

DISPATCHER: I know, where, how?

HEROLD: Please please!

DISPATCHER: Is your monkey still with your friend, or is your friend still on the floor?

HEROLD: Yes he ... he killed her ...i naudible ... please ...

DISPATCHER: I need you to ... inaudible ... Ma'am are you there with your friend?

HEROLD: Inaudible

DISPATCHER: Ma'am I need you to calm down, so you can help your friend. Okay?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... he tried to attack me! Please hurry! Hurry! Please!

DISPATCHER: Are you there with your friend? I need you to help me with your friend. Ok? Are you there with your friend?

HEROLD: Listen, listen. Please.

DISPATCHER: Are you there with your friend?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... how fast, how fast can you get them here? Hurry!

DISPATCHER: Are they, you there with your friend? I need you to help your friend. Can you go help your friend?

HEROLD: I can't! He tried to attack me now.

DISPATCHER: Is he still there with your friend?

HEROLD: Yes!

DISPATCHER: OK, so then back of then. Don't get any closer. OK? They're already on their way.

HEROLD: Please!

DISPATCHER: If the monkey moves away from your friend, let me know OK? So we can try to help your friend.

HEROLD: I ... inaudible ... no, no I can't, she's dead! She's dead!

DISPATCHER: Why are you saying that she's dead?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... he ripped her apart!

DISPATCHER: He ripped what apart, her face?

HEROLD: Everything ... inaudible.

DISPATCHER: He ripped her apart?

HEROLD: Yes ... inaudible ... I think I'm going to faint. I think I'm going to pass out!

DISPATCHER: No, no, no, just breathe, OK? I'm going to stay with you on the phone until they get there.

HEROLD: Listen to me! Please ... inaudible ... please please hurry. Oh my god, please, please hurry.

DISPATCHER: They're on their way. Ma'am i need you to calm down now. OK? I don't want you to say anything. OK? Do me a favor, breathe.

HEROLD: No, I ...

DISPATCHER: Just breathe, just breathe. I'm going to stay with you on the phone, OK?

HEROLD: I can't, I can't, I can't ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: They're already on their way, just breathe.

HEROLD: No, listen to me. I can't breathe.

DISPATCHER: I know, OK? I need you to calm down a little bit. I know its hard, but I want you to breathe.

HEROLD: Inaudible ... Please, listen to me please.

DISPATCHER: They're on their way I have a lot of officers already going on the way and I have a medic going. OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... Please hurry please, please, please ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: Just, they're on their way, OK? They're going as fast as they can.

HEROLD: Oh, my God!

DISPATCHER: I need you to breathe for me, OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... she's dead, she's dead. Oh my God, she's dead. Oh my God, he ripped her apart. Please, God, hurry! Please, please! Listen to me.

DISPATCHER: Yes.

HEROLD: OK, please, how soon? How soon? Where are they? Where are they?

DISPATCHER: They're on their way. I have a lot of units going your way as fast as they could get there. OK?

HEROLD: Listen, please ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: Where is the monkey now? Is he still with your friend?

HEROLD: No, no he went to attack ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: Where is the monkey now?

HEROLD: He's outside.

DISPATCHER: He's outside?

HEROLD: Listen to me! He just ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: Is your friend also outside?

HEROLD: Yes, yes! Yes, please dear God, please, please, please get them here fast! Please! Hurry! Please hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

DISPATCHER: OK, I have the police, the fire department, and the medics on the way, OK?

HEROLD: Please hurry!

DISPATCHTER: Where are they? Outside? On your driveway?

HEROLD: Yes at the end of ... inaudible ... please! Please hurry, please! I can't, I cant hold on much longer! I can't hold on I can' t... inaudible ... I'm sick, please. Listen to me!

DISPATCHER: I'm listening to you, I'm listening to you.

HEROLD: Please where are they? Where are they? Please! Oh my God, please!

DISPATCHER: Is the monkey still there with your friend?

HEROLD: He's screaming. He killed her ... inaudible.

DISPATCHER: OK, is the monkey still there with your friend?

HEROLD: Yes, yes!

DISPATCHER: OK.

HEROLD: Yes, please where are the squad cars? Where are they?

DISPATCHER: They're coming, they're coming your way. I even have an engine going your way and a medic going your way.

HEROLD: Inaudible, oh my God, oh please make them see, please!

DISPATCHER: They're going as fast as they can, OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... is there anyone closer? They got to have their guns out! They got to have their guns out! Listen to me! Oh my God!

DISPATCHER: Is this your monkey, or whose monkey is it?

HEROLD: Yes!

DISPATCHER: It's your monkey?

HEROLD: It's mine.

DISPATCHER: How, how, do you know how big heavy ... inaudible.
HEROLD: Yes ... inaudible ... Pounds.

DISPATCHER: 400?

HEROLD: 200!

DISPATCHER: 200 pounds?

HEROLD: Listen to me, please! Where are they Where are they?

DISPATCHER: And he's a chimp, correct?

HEROLD: Yes, where are they? Where are they?

DISPATCHER: They're going your way. They're going as fast as they can your way. OK?

HEROLD: Please, please go faster! Please, please ... inaudible ... please, please, please, please.

DISPATCHER: Is the monkey still by your friend, or can you get close to your friend?

HEROLD: Yes, he's eating her! He's eating her.

DISPATCHER: He's eating her?

HEROLD: Please, God, oh please!

DISPATCHER: OK, I need you to calm down for me I know it hard, OK? I know its hard, but they're going as fast as they can your way, OK?

HEROLD: Oh my God, please ... inaudible ... oh my God. Where are they? Where are they?

DISPATCHER: I know, I know. It's OK, they're going your way, OK? They're going out as fast as they can. They'll be there momentarily.

HEROLD: Oh my, he's ripping her apart. Please hurry! Please God, oh please. Please have them come faster, please! Please, they got to have their guns out. Please have them please! Please ... inaudible ... hurry. Help me! Listen to me, listen, where are they?

DISPATCHER: I need you to do me favor, OK? Don't get close at all to the monkey. I know he's yours, but don't. I don't want you to get close to him, OK? Stay as far as you can from him.

HEROLD: Inaudible ... listen to me, where are they? Where are they? Where are they? Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: They're coming, they're all coming. I have almost everybody going your way.

HEROLD: Please hurry up! Please. Please hurry up! Please hurry up!

DISPATCHER: Do you know how old the person, your friend is? How old is your friend?

HEROLD: She's, she's dead.

DISPATCHER: How old, how old is she though?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... she's ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: How old is she?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... she's 50.

DISPATCHER: She's 50?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... I can't ... inaudible ...

DISPATCHER: OK, what's your name? I need your name.

HEROLD: Inaudible

DISPATCHER: I need you to calm down for me OK? I know its hard, but I need you to calm down.

HEROLD: I can't.

DISPATCHER: I know, I know. What's your name?

HEROLD: Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: What's your name?

HEROLD: Sandra.

DISPATCHER: Sandra? OK Sandra. Sandra, I know it's hard, OK, but I need you to breathe for me OK? The last thing I want is for you to faint.

HEROLD: Where are they?

DISPATCHER: Just breathe.

HEROLD: Where are they?

DISPATCHER: They're, Sandra, they're on their way, OK?

HEROLD: No they're not on their way ... inaudible.

DISPATCHER: Sandra, just breathe for me, OK?

HEROLD: Where are they? Where are they, please! They, tell them they got to shoot him because I tried stabbing him and ... inaudible ... it made him worse.

DISPATCHER: OK, Sandra.

HEROLD: Please, have them shoot him.


DISPATCHER: They will. Sandra we have the fire department close by OK? So as soon as the police get there the fire department is going to move in, OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: The fire department can't move in yet, but as soon as the police officers ... inaudible

HEROLD: Inaudible ... please tell them, shoot him because he's going to try to attack me now.

DISPATCHER: OK.

HEROLD: And listen, please, hurry! Please have them, please have them shoot him ... inaudible.

DISPATCHER: They will. I already, we already ... inaudible ... put it here on the note, so all the officers going your way know. So ...
HEROLD: Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: Do me a favor there is a police officer out there already ...

HEROLD: I can't go out of my car. I can't.

DISPATCHER: Nope, do me a favor, stay in your car, stay in your car. I don't want you to leave your car. Stay in your car, OK?

HEROLD: Oh my ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: You're going to see the police officer start approaching. Stay in your car, whatever you do stay in your car OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... I ... inaudible ...

DISPATCHER: Just breathe.

HEROLD: Please, just have them them shoot it!

DISPATCHER: They, they will. Just do me a favor and don't leave the car. Stay in your car, OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: Just breathe, Sandra.

HEROLD: Shoot him! Shoot him! He, he ...

DISPATCHER: Sandra stay in your car.

HEROLD: Shoot him!

DISPATCHER: Sandra, I need you to stay in your car. Sandra are you still there with me?

HEROLD: They're here, but they're not shooting.

DISPATCHER: No, Sandra I need you to stay in the car with.

HEROLD: Inaudible, oh God, I'm so afraid ... inaudible.

DISPATCHER: Sandra, I need you to talk to me, OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: Sandra, just whatever you do stay at your car.

HEROLD: Listen to me, tell them to shoot him, tell them to shoot him, tell them to shoot him, please! I can't talk to the officers...inaudible.

DISPATCHER: No, no, no, don't worry. We're we're talking to them, Sandra. So

HEROLD: Please ... inaudible.

DISPATCHER: We did tell them OK?

HEROLD: They got to shoot him, please! I've tried stabbing him and, and he's hurt now too. So, so, so, he's going to attack anybody. I can't get out of this car!

DISPATCHER: Sandra, just stay

HEROLD: Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: Just stay in your car. Just do me a favor, lock your doors on your car and stay there with me.

HEROLD: It don't matter, it don't matter, it don't matter. He will rip the doors wide open!

DISPATCHER: Sandra just do what I'm telling you to. Stay in the car. The police officers will handle it.

HEROLD: Inaudible ... please tell them to shoot

HEROLD: They got to shoot him, OK? I tried stabbing him and he's hurt now too. He's going to attack anybody. I can't get out of this car.

DISPATCHER: Sandra, just stay in your car. Do me a favor --- lock your doors in your car and stay there with me.

HEROLD: It don't matter, it don't matter, it don't matter, it don't matter, he will rip the doors right off.

DISPATCHER: Sandra, just do what I'm telling you to. Stay in the car, the police officers will handle it.

HEROLD: Please tell them to shoot him. (inaudible) Please tell them.

DISPATCHER: Sandra, I already told them, just stay with me on the phone , stay in the car, OK?

HEROLD: They're not, they're not shooting him and he's walking around here. Please tell them to shoot him. Please.

DISPATCHER: Whatever you do, do not get out of your car.

HEROLD: Please tell them I already stabbed him.

DISPATCHER: I already told them that you stabbed him. I told them that already. I need you to stay in your car until I tell you to leave, OK?

HEROLD: (Sobs)

(Shots heard in background)

DISPATCHER: OK, still stay in your car. Don't leave the car until I tell you to, OK?

HEROLD: (Sobs)

DISPATCHER: Sandra, Can you hear me?

HEROLD: (Inaudible)

DISPATCHER: Sandra, I know that they shot the monkey, I heard gunshots.

HEROLD: No, he's still alive. (Inaudible)

DISPATCHER: OK, don't worry, they already shot him, we'll continue until he's down, but I need you to stay in that car until I tell you to.

HEROLD: (Sobs)

DISPATCHER: OK? I need you to breath for me, OK?

HEROLD: (Sobs)

DISPATCHER: Stay in the car, I'll let you know when to get out of the car to talk to the officers, OK?

HEROLD: (Through sobs) OK. Please tell them to (Inaudible)

DISPATCHER: They did, Sandra. They're shooting at him already, OK?

HEROLD: (Inaudible)

DISPATCHER: I know, they won't continue until he's dead, OK? I just need you to stay on the phone with me and breath.

HEROLD: (Sobbing) He's not dead. He's not dead. Oh God. I don't see any … (inaudible)

DISPATCHER: That's fine, just stay in your car, OK? The officers will do what they have to do.

HEROLD: Oh my God. (Sobbing) Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I don't even see them.

DISPATCHER: It's OK. They're there, don't worry, I just need you to stay in that car and stay on the phone with me, OK? They'll take care of him. I just want you to stay on the phone with me.

HEROLD: Sobs

DISPATCHER: Breathe, Sandra, I need you to breath.

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6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to say this is the best headline I've seen in quite a while:
Ape Living Life of Connecticut Divorcée Goes Wild

That being said, anyone who has read Jane Goodall's books would never think of owning a chimpanzee. She documented bands of them launching raids into the territory of other groups and killing any rivals unfortunate enough to be caught alone.

1:10 PM  
Anonymous Mr.Potato said...

rotflmao "different hairstyle". Good thing this monkey didn't run into local Rite Aid screaming (in monkey) Give me the ####### ZANEX!

I'd give the chimp one warning shot. I guess he would retreat to his cage/comfort zone.

6:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a sad thing. When are people going to realize that these creatures are not safe to have as pets? They belong either in their natural habitat, or in a cage.

Does anyone remember that attack in California about two years ago or so, maybe longer, where a man was savagely attacked by "pet" chimps and was mutilated? He had his nose bitten off, as well as his fingers, and his genitals mutilated (I guess this is a big thing among chimps and shows some kind of superiority over one's foe). IIRC, I think the chimps in that story also had to be shot.

8:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Back in the 1970s, I remember reading a book named, "World War III," by John Stanley, a novel loooong out of print. In the book, America was at war with China and America came up with a novel idea to cause chaos behind Chinese lines. America took a squad of adult chimps, trained them to hate the Chinese (using Chinese POWs as chimp bait), and dropped them behind enemy lines. Then the hilarity began. It was one of the best novels I've ever read, and I'll have to pull it off of the shelf and read it again before too long, as I've done several times in the last 30 years.

The upshot of all of this is that chimps are DANGEROUS and they should NEVER be allowed to roam free amongst humans.

8:44 PM  
Blogger Geoffrey said...

Yikes! It always astounds me how readily people forget that an adult chimp is powerful enough to d*mn near rip your arm off and beat you to death with it. I've worked with exotic animals for years, you can never afford to forget they aren't tame.

10:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Even a 120-pound chimp can literally rip your arms off.

6:58 PM  

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