Prettiest AK I ever saw..........

An email

Beware the Zombie Chimp

Tam leads me to a story about the face eating zombie chimp of Stamford, Connecticut.



A 200 pound chimp vs a 70 year old woman a shovel, a butcher knife and cops with how many tasers and handguns? Poor monkey. He was probably misguided by high school athletics, saggy pants and wine. Typical result of a foster home environment. It wasn't the monkey's fault, he was oppressed. He was just trying to make a get away.

Seriously, medication for lyme disease? A different hairstyle? Come on CNN. It was a wild animal with opposed thumbs. Luckily he didn't get his hand on a Glock.

additonal:

Dispaches From The Planet of the Apes....

A transcript of the 911 call.

DISPATCHER: Stamford 911 where's you're emergency?

HEROLD: Inaudible...241 rock, Rockrimmon Road (chimp begins screaming) send the police!

DISPATCHER: What's the problem? (chimp screaming)

HEROLD: Send the police (chimp screaming)

DISPATCHER: What's the problem there? (chimp screaming)

HEROLD: The, that the chimp killed my, my friend

DISPATCHER: What's wrong with your friend? (chimp screaming)

HEROLD: (gasps, breathing hard, presses button) (chimp screaming)

DISPATHER: What's the problem with your friend? (chimp screaming)

HEROLD: Oh, please!

(Chimp heard screaming in background)

DISPATCHER: What's the problem with your friend, I need to know. (chimp screaming)

HEROLD: Send the police up with a gun, with a gun, hurry up! (chimp screaming)

DISPATCHER: Who has the gun?

HEROLD: Please hurry up! Please hurry up! He's killin' my girlfriend

DISPATCHER TO POLICE: 241 Rockrimmon Road they're sayin' someone has a gun and trying to kill somebody.

HEROLD: Hurry up!

DISPATCHER: They're on their way, but I need you to give me more information, who's doing this?

HEROLD: Inaudible...with guns!

DISPATCHER: Who has the guns?

HEROLD: No! Bring the guns! Ya gotta kill my chimp...inaudible

DISPATCHER: What's the problem there?

HEROLD: Hurry up!

DISPATCHER: I need you to talk to me, I need you to calm down. Why do you need somebody there?

HEROLD: What? Please, God!

DISPATCHER: What is the problem?

HEROLD: He's killing my friend!

DISPATCHER: Who's killing your friend?

HEROLD: Chimp, my chimpanzee

DISPATCHER: Oh, your chimpanzee is killing your friend?

HEROLD: Inaudible...yes he ripped her apart. Hurry up! Hurry up please!

DISPATCHER: Inaudible...there is someone on the way.

HEROLD: With guns, please just shoot him!

DISPATCHER TO POLICE: Inaudible...the monkey is beating up on somebody.

HEROLD: Shoot him! Please!

DISPATCHER: OK, OK, I need you to ...

HEROLD: Inaudible...down the driveway

DISPATCHER: Where are you, outside?

HEROLD: Inaudible...hurry please, please! Hurry! Hurry.

DISPATCHER: What is going on? What is the monkey doing? Tell me what the monkey is doing.

HEROLD: He, he ripped her face off!

DISPATCHER: He ripped her face off?

HEROLD: He tried, he tried trying to attack me! Please! Please! Hurry!

DISPATCHER: OK, I need you to calm down a little bit. They're on their way. Can you put yourself away? I want ... inaudible ...

HEROLD: I can't! Please hurry up! Listen to me!

DISPATCHER: They're on their way ma'am.

HEROLD: Inaudible...guns! They got to shoot him please! Please, hurry hurry! Please!

DISPATCHER: Ma'am ma'am, I need you to calm down. They're already on their way.

HEROLD: I can't, I can't ...

DISPATCHER: I know, where, how?

HEROLD: Please please!

DISPATCHER: Is your monkey still with your friend, or is your friend still on the floor?

HEROLD: Yes he ... he killed her ...i naudible ... please ...

DISPATCHER: I need you to ... inaudible ... Ma'am are you there with your friend?

HEROLD: Inaudible

DISPATCHER: Ma'am I need you to calm down, so you can help your friend. Okay?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... he tried to attack me! Please hurry! Hurry! Please!

DISPATCHER: Are you there with your friend? I need you to help me with your friend. Ok? Are you there with your friend?

HEROLD: Listen, listen. Please.

DISPATCHER: Are you there with your friend?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... how fast, how fast can you get them here? Hurry!

DISPATCHER: Are they, you there with your friend? I need you to help your friend. Can you go help your friend?

HEROLD: I can't! He tried to attack me now.

DISPATCHER: Is he still there with your friend?

HEROLD: Yes!

DISPATCHER: OK, so then back of then. Don't get any closer. OK? They're already on their way.

HEROLD: Please!

DISPATCHER: If the monkey moves away from your friend, let me know OK? So we can try to help your friend.

HEROLD: I ... inaudible ... no, no I can't, she's dead! She's dead!

DISPATCHER: Why are you saying that she's dead?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... he ripped her apart!

DISPATCHER: He ripped what apart, her face?

HEROLD: Everything ... inaudible.

DISPATCHER: He ripped her apart?

HEROLD: Yes ... inaudible ... I think I'm going to faint. I think I'm going to pass out!

DISPATCHER: No, no, no, just breathe, OK? I'm going to stay with you on the phone until they get there.

HEROLD: Listen to me! Please ... inaudible ... please please hurry. Oh my god, please, please hurry.

DISPATCHER: They're on their way. Ma'am i need you to calm down now. OK? I don't want you to say anything. OK? Do me a favor, breathe.

HEROLD: No, I ...

DISPATCHER: Just breathe, just breathe. I'm going to stay with you on the phone, OK?

HEROLD: I can't, I can't, I can't ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: They're already on their way, just breathe.

HEROLD: No, listen to me. I can't breathe.

DISPATCHER: I know, OK? I need you to calm down a little bit. I know its hard, but I want you to breathe.

HEROLD: Inaudible ... Please, listen to me please.

DISPATCHER: They're on their way I have a lot of officers already going on the way and I have a medic going. OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... Please hurry please, please, please ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: Just, they're on their way, OK? They're going as fast as they can.

HEROLD: Oh, my God!

DISPATCHER: I need you to breathe for me, OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... she's dead, she's dead. Oh my God, she's dead. Oh my God, he ripped her apart. Please, God, hurry! Please, please! Listen to me.

DISPATCHER: Yes.

HEROLD: OK, please, how soon? How soon? Where are they? Where are they?

DISPATCHER: They're on their way. I have a lot of units going your way as fast as they could get there. OK?

HEROLD: Listen, please ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: Where is the monkey now? Is he still with your friend?

HEROLD: No, no he went to attack ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: Where is the monkey now?

HEROLD: He's outside.

DISPATCHER: He's outside?

HEROLD: Listen to me! He just ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: Is your friend also outside?

HEROLD: Yes, yes! Yes, please dear God, please, please, please get them here fast! Please! Hurry! Please hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

DISPATCHER: OK, I have the police, the fire department, and the medics on the way, OK?

HEROLD: Please hurry!

DISPATCHTER: Where are they? Outside? On your driveway?

HEROLD: Yes at the end of ... inaudible ... please! Please hurry, please! I can't, I cant hold on much longer! I can't hold on I can' t... inaudible ... I'm sick, please. Listen to me!

DISPATCHER: I'm listening to you, I'm listening to you.

HEROLD: Please where are they? Where are they? Please! Oh my God, please!

DISPATCHER: Is the monkey still there with your friend?

HEROLD: He's screaming. He killed her ... inaudible.

DISPATCHER: OK, is the monkey still there with your friend?

HEROLD: Yes, yes!

DISPATCHER: OK.

HEROLD: Yes, please where are the squad cars? Where are they?

DISPATCHER: They're coming, they're coming your way. I even have an engine going your way and a medic going your way.

HEROLD: Inaudible, oh my God, oh please make them see, please!

DISPATCHER: They're going as fast as they can, OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... is there anyone closer? They got to have their guns out! They got to have their guns out! Listen to me! Oh my God!

DISPATCHER: Is this your monkey, or whose monkey is it?

HEROLD: Yes!

DISPATCHER: It's your monkey?

HEROLD: It's mine.

DISPATCHER: How, how, do you know how big heavy ... inaudible.
HEROLD: Yes ... inaudible ... Pounds.

DISPATCHER: 400?

HEROLD: 200!

DISPATCHER: 200 pounds?

HEROLD: Listen to me, please! Where are they Where are they?

DISPATCHER: And he's a chimp, correct?

HEROLD: Yes, where are they? Where are they?

DISPATCHER: They're going your way. They're going as fast as they can your way. OK?

HEROLD: Please, please go faster! Please, please ... inaudible ... please, please, please, please.

DISPATCHER: Is the monkey still by your friend, or can you get close to your friend?

HEROLD: Yes, he's eating her! He's eating her.

DISPATCHER: He's eating her?

HEROLD: Please, God, oh please!

DISPATCHER: OK, I need you to calm down for me I know it hard, OK? I know its hard, but they're going as fast as they can your way, OK?

HEROLD: Oh my God, please ... inaudible ... oh my God. Where are they? Where are they?

DISPATCHER: I know, I know. It's OK, they're going your way, OK? They're going out as fast as they can. They'll be there momentarily.

HEROLD: Oh my, he's ripping her apart. Please hurry! Please God, oh please. Please have them come faster, please! Please, they got to have their guns out. Please have them please! Please ... inaudible ... hurry. Help me! Listen to me, listen, where are they?

DISPATCHER: I need you to do me favor, OK? Don't get close at all to the monkey. I know he's yours, but don't. I don't want you to get close to him, OK? Stay as far as you can from him.

HEROLD: Inaudible ... listen to me, where are they? Where are they? Where are they? Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: They're coming, they're all coming. I have almost everybody going your way.

HEROLD: Please hurry up! Please. Please hurry up! Please hurry up!

DISPATCHER: Do you know how old the person, your friend is? How old is your friend?

HEROLD: She's, she's dead.

DISPATCHER: How old, how old is she though?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... she's ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: How old is she?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... she's 50.

DISPATCHER: She's 50?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... I can't ... inaudible ...

DISPATCHER: OK, what's your name? I need your name.

HEROLD: Inaudible

DISPATCHER: I need you to calm down for me OK? I know its hard, but I need you to calm down.

HEROLD: I can't.

DISPATCHER: I know, I know. What's your name?

HEROLD: Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: What's your name?

HEROLD: Sandra.

DISPATCHER: Sandra? OK Sandra. Sandra, I know it's hard, OK, but I need you to breathe for me OK? The last thing I want is for you to faint.

HEROLD: Where are they?

DISPATCHER: Just breathe.

HEROLD: Where are they?

DISPATCHER: They're, Sandra, they're on their way, OK?

HEROLD: No they're not on their way ... inaudible.

DISPATCHER: Sandra, just breathe for me, OK?

HEROLD: Where are they? Where are they, please! They, tell them they got to shoot him because I tried stabbing him and ... inaudible ... it made him worse.

DISPATCHER: OK, Sandra.

HEROLD: Please, have them shoot him.


DISPATCHER: They will. Sandra we have the fire department close by OK? So as soon as the police get there the fire department is going to move in, OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: The fire department can't move in yet, but as soon as the police officers ... inaudible

HEROLD: Inaudible ... please tell them, shoot him because he's going to try to attack me now.

DISPATCHER: OK.

HEROLD: And listen, please, hurry! Please have them, please have them shoot him ... inaudible.

DISPATCHER: They will. I already, we already ... inaudible ... put it here on the note, so all the officers going your way know. So ...
HEROLD: Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: Do me a favor there is a police officer out there already ...

HEROLD: I can't go out of my car. I can't.

DISPATCHER: Nope, do me a favor, stay in your car, stay in your car. I don't want you to leave your car. Stay in your car, OK?

HEROLD: Oh my ... inaudible

DISPATCHER: You're going to see the police officer start approaching. Stay in your car, whatever you do stay in your car OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible ... I ... inaudible ...

DISPATCHER: Just breathe.

HEROLD: Please, just have them them shoot it!

DISPATCHER: They, they will. Just do me a favor and don't leave the car. Stay in your car, OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: Just breathe, Sandra.

HEROLD: Shoot him! Shoot him! He, he ...

DISPATCHER: Sandra stay in your car.

HEROLD: Shoot him!

DISPATCHER: Sandra, I need you to stay in your car. Sandra are you still there with me?

HEROLD: They're here, but they're not shooting.

DISPATCHER: No, Sandra I need you to stay in the car with.

HEROLD: Inaudible, oh God, I'm so afraid ... inaudible.

DISPATCHER: Sandra, I need you to talk to me, OK?

HEROLD: Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: Sandra, just whatever you do stay at your car.

HEROLD: Listen to me, tell them to shoot him, tell them to shoot him, tell them to shoot him, please! I can't talk to the officers...inaudible.

DISPATCHER: No, no, no, don't worry. We're we're talking to them, Sandra. So

HEROLD: Please ... inaudible.

DISPATCHER: We did tell them OK?

HEROLD: They got to shoot him, please! I've tried stabbing him and, and he's hurt now too. So, so, so, he's going to attack anybody. I can't get out of this car!

DISPATCHER: Sandra, just stay

HEROLD: Inaudible.

DISPATCHER: Just stay in your car. Just do me a favor, lock your doors on your car and stay there with me.

HEROLD: It don't matter, it don't matter, it don't matter. He will rip the doors wide open!

DISPATCHER: Sandra just do what I'm telling you to. Stay in the car. The police officers will handle it.

HEROLD: Inaudible ... please tell them to shoot

HEROLD: They got to shoot him, OK? I tried stabbing him and he's hurt now too. He's going to attack anybody. I can't get out of this car.

DISPATCHER: Sandra, just stay in your car. Do me a favor --- lock your doors in your car and stay there with me.

HEROLD: It don't matter, it don't matter, it don't matter, it don't matter, he will rip the doors right off.

DISPATCHER: Sandra, just do what I'm telling you to. Stay in the car, the police officers will handle it.

HEROLD: Please tell them to shoot him. (inaudible) Please tell them.

DISPATCHER: Sandra, I already told them, just stay with me on the phone , stay in the car, OK?

HEROLD: They're not, they're not shooting him and he's walking around here. Please tell them to shoot him. Please.

DISPATCHER: Whatever you do, do not get out of your car.

HEROLD: Please tell them I already stabbed him.

DISPATCHER: I already told them that you stabbed him. I told them that already. I need you to stay in your car until I tell you to leave, OK?

HEROLD: (Sobs)

(Shots heard in background)

DISPATCHER: OK, still stay in your car. Don't leave the car until I tell you to, OK?

HEROLD: (Sobs)

DISPATCHER: Sandra, Can you hear me?

HEROLD: (Inaudible)

DISPATCHER: Sandra, I know that they shot the monkey, I heard gunshots.

HEROLD: No, he's still alive. (Inaudible)

DISPATCHER: OK, don't worry, they already shot him, we'll continue until he's down, but I need you to stay in that car until I tell you to.

HEROLD: (Sobs)

DISPATCHER: OK? I need you to breath for me, OK?

HEROLD: (Sobs)

DISPATCHER: Stay in the car, I'll let you know when to get out of the car to talk to the officers, OK?

HEROLD: (Through sobs) OK. Please tell them to (Inaudible)

DISPATCHER: They did, Sandra. They're shooting at him already, OK?

HEROLD: (Inaudible)

DISPATCHER: I know, they won't continue until he's dead, OK? I just need you to stay on the phone with me and breath.

HEROLD: (Sobbing) He's not dead. He's not dead. Oh God. I don't see any … (inaudible)

DISPATCHER: That's fine, just stay in your car, OK? The officers will do what they have to do.

HEROLD: Oh my God. (Sobbing) Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I don't even see them.

DISPATCHER: It's OK. They're there, don't worry, I just need you to stay in that car and stay on the phone with me, OK? They'll take care of him. I just want you to stay on the phone with me.

HEROLD: Sobs

DISPATCHER: Breathe, Sandra, I need you to breath.

Gun O'clock

Home Defense in the UK

It seems a limey home invader was foiled by a returning homeowner dressed in.... tinfoil.

"The terrified intruder leapt from a first floor window to escape Torvald Alexander, who was dressed as the Norse god of thunder in a red cape and silver helmet and breastplate."

This is how a populace fights off criminals after they are disarmed by their government? No thanks. I'll keep my firearms.

Random Paranoia

I was perusing a couple of articles in the WSJ when I noticed this incongruous J.Crew advertisement. Does the models head look out of proportion to anyone else? Did they hire Marina Oswald as their photographer? Surely not. More likely, the head was photoshopped onto the body. The size of the hands are much too small for the face, and in fact, the body seems to be of an androgynous sort.

Why is it that J.Crew is trying to convince me that a man who appears to enjoy watching the Army Navy game (and rooting for Navy), shooting a fine 1911 (most likely a Colt), and perhaps dropping a bit of rum in his eggnog would be wearing this kind of outfit? I'm not certain at all if this is the right head on this body. Has anyone seen this same body in a J.Crew advertisement with a different head attached? And what kind of subliminal message is being sent by having WR YOU LI in italics? Inquiring minds want to know.......

Palm Pistol for the Elderly and Disabled

At first I thought it must be a joke. Constitution Arms in New Jersey has developed a palm pistol for the elderly and disabled. It appears to be the marriage of a sphygmamonometer bulb and a trach tube. The device is supposed to be a 9mm single shot device that is fired with the thumb.

The website states "point and shoot couldn't be easier." Actually, it could. Sights and a conventional trigger would be a start. Then, if the person suffered from limited hand mobility, I shudder to think how their hand would feel after spending a day at the range with 9mm parabellum rounds igniting between their fingers.

Further, Constitution Arms asserts their pistol is certified by the FDA as a "Class I Medical Device." That would allow physicians to prescribe the handgun to qualified patients. The patient could then have some or all of the cost reimbursed by Medicare or private insurance.

Palm pistols are nothing new, indeed in Victorian times, they were fairly common. There are reasons these quirky firearms are now innovative fossils of an earlier time. These devices are difficult to shoot accurately, even across the room, and by necessity, they are chambered in diminutive calibers.

When one also takes into consideration that the Constitution Arms palm pistol is a single shot defensive weapon, I have to wonder whether the nursing home ninja might be better served with a Glock.

A physician's take on this.......... thing.

Picnic Table Bike

Regarding H.S.Precision

Regarding H.S.Precision, I think Tam has said it best.

Cows With Guns

The Waffle Bike

Spiders as Payment

"Dear Jane,
I do not have any money, so I am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead."

Follow the link for the entire bizarre correspondence.

Actually, Henri Matisse, in his later years, was known to sketch small drawings on the checks he remitted as payments for rent or goods. They were seldom cashed, as the Matisse drawing was more valuable than the check. Of course. Matisse was an artist........

Guns at Heathrow

Heathrow International. Terminal 5. Brad Jayakody of London is entering security. He has a gun.

Brad Jayakody was stopped, and forced to remove his gun during a routine pre-flight security check.
"We won't be able to let you through because your T-shirt has got a gun on it'," the official informed Mr. Jayakody, referring to a cloth image of a robotic arm grasping a fantasy pistol.

The security supervisor agreed stating "Sorry we can't let you through and you've a gun on your T-shirt."

A BAA spokesman said there was no record of the incident and no formal complaint had been made. "If a T-shirt had a rude word or a bomb on it, for example, a passenger may be asked to remove it," he said. "We are investigating what happened to see if it came under this category. If it's offensive, we don't want other passengers upset."

The question remains though..........If Mr. Jayakody had donned a jacket, would he have been allowed to board the aircraft wearing a concealed gun on a T-shirt?

Fat Dog?

Ilsa and I went to the vet today and found this. Slentrol.......dirlotapide........A weight control medication for dogs.

Weight does play an important role in a dog's health. Some breeds and mixes are prone to weight gain. Excess weight can play hell with joints, leading to early onset hip dysplasia. It can cause arthritic back pain in extra long dogs like Corgis and Dachshunds. Heart disease and breathing problems can result. A vicious cycle of overeating and lack of exercise from a lethargic lifestyle can lead to a pet not being as happy as they should be.

If you own a dog, and your dog is fat, take a look at yourself. You are in total control of it's diet. Use a measuring cup or a tin can to dole out the kibbles, and cut back on the amount. Send the table scraps down the garbage disposal. If your dog is fat, it's because you feed him to damned much. He doesn't need dope. You need to stop being one.

Pit Stop

Bad Juju

Breda has provided a link to a most unfortunate combination of photography equipment.

I have discovered another depository of the weird.

Oleg needs to see these......

Prom Night

Well, it was a good idea anyway........

Catshit Coffee

Britons are being encouraged to spend £50 -- about $100 -- for a cup of coffee that is made from animal dung.

The barista says Caffe Raro is a complex and costly blend of coffee that includes rare Jamaican Blue Mountain and Kopi Luwak beans. What makes this beverage truly unique is the fact that Kopi Luwak beans come from the droppings of civets, a cat-like animal.

Yeah, OK, they were dumb enough to give up their guns.....Twice.........But damn.....

More

Ballistic Resistance

"Youths on Britain's increasingly dangerous streets will soon be able to equip themselves with bulletproof hoodies - fuelling fears of a further increase in lawlessness.

The hoodie can allegedly stop a bullet from a 9mm Magnum handgun and protects the entire upper body."
More

Yeah, OK, I want one. I think I will wait for the version that can stop a .45 magnum though......

RING RING RING RING RING RING RING

That damned hospital fire alarm.......Why does it have to be so damned loud? Isn't there an OSHA regulation or something? Those of us who hear will assist those who cannot. We don't want to join them in their deafness!

I mean, come on.......We have a morgue down there.......Dead people........I don't want them waking up and running outside!